Does My Friend Secretly Have Feelings for Me?
If you’re wondering this, don’t fret—you’re not alone! Developing a crush on a friend isn’t uncommon in the slightest, so it’s definitely possible that your friend is attracted to you.
Before anything else, however, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you like your friend romantically?
- Are you bothered by the signs that your friend likes you, or do you welcome them eagerly?
You should consider these questions because if you like your friend as more than a friend, you will probably interpret their actions differently and see “signs” that aren’t really there. So before you worry about how to tell if your friend likes you, consider any possible biases that you might have. If you don’t think you’re simply seeing what you want to see, your friend may indeed be interested in being more than just your buddy. Signs a guy likes you can also be different from signs a girl likes you. Still, some things stay consistent no matter what. Here are some common ways to tell if your friend wants to take your relationship to the next level.
14 Signs Your Friend Is Attracted to You:
- They’re always available.
- They want to be alone with you.
- They make serious eye contact with you.
- They seem disappointed when you call them “friend.”
- They’re always willing to do you a favor.
- They never seem to like the person you’re dating.
- They give you their full attention when you talk.
- They pay you lots of compliments.
- They try to subtly ask if you’re into them.
- They always find ways to touch you or be near you.
- They text you all the time.
- They like all of your posts on social media.
- They pay close attention to their appearance around you.
- They tell you they like you!
Continue scrolling to learn more about these 14 common signs that your friend might like you, and see if they apply to your situation. At the bottom of this article, you’ll also find information about what to do if your friend likes you, including reasons to date or not to date your bestie!
1. They Always Seem Available
The first major sign that your friend likes you is if they’re constantly available to you, even if they’re an otherwise busy person. Granted, there are many reasons why someone might always be available. Maybe they just have a flexible schedule or don’t have many other friends. But your friend might have romantic feelings for you if:
- they never seem to say “no” when you want to hang out.
- they never seem to cancel or delay plans after you’ve made them.
- sometimes they’ll even cancel plans with others to hang out with you instead.
- you always do “date-y” things when you hang out together.
These are obvious signs that your friend doesn’t want to miss a chance to be around you. Now, it’s possible that you’re simply really close friends with this person and they like hanging out with you a lot because you get along well. Some people take their platonic friendships very seriously (as they should).
However, if you haven’t known this person for that long, or you don’t feel that you’re that close, this kind of behavior strongly indicates that they might like you as more than a friend.
2. They Make Excuses to Be Alone with You
If your friend constantly makes excuses to have private time with you or tries to make plans that don’t include any of your other acquaintances, it’s possible that they’re attracted to you.
For example, let’s say that you’re at a party and the host has run out of pizza. You volunteer to go pick some up, and your friend is oddly eager to go with you, even if it means that they’ll miss some of the party.
Ask yourself the following:
- Does your friend seem disappointed when you bring someone else along on an outing?
- Have they ever tried to get you to go somewhere with them alone after a group hangout has started to wind down?
These are potential signs that they want to get to know you better . . . in private.
3. They Make More Eye Contact with You Than with Their Other Friends
Hopefully, your friend isn’t creepily staring at you all the time, but it is normal for someone who likes you to look at you more often. Naturally, this can take the form of extended eye contact.
To rule out the possibility that this person just makes long, intimate eye contact with everyone, watch how they interact with others. Notice how they look at other people and use that to form a “baseline.” Are they looking at you more than anyone else?
Of course, there are some people who are really shy and will avoid eye contact with someone that they’re attracted to, but this usually happens if they don’t know you very well. If you know them and are comfortable with them, chances are they’ll look at you a lot if they think you’re attractive. Still, they may look at you often but look away when you catch them.
4. They Seem a Little Disappointed When You Call Them “Friend” or “Buddy”
Most people who are happy with just friendship react to this with appreciation and aren’t uncomfortable at all. So if you aren’t sure whether someone is hoping to be something more than a friend, then calling them “buddy” and observing their reaction is a good place to start. Even if they are technically your friend, if they like you as more than that, it will be a bitter reminder of the platonic nature of your friendship.
So if your buddy seems uncomfortable with you smacking them on the back and talking about what a great friend they are, it could be a sign that your friend likes you. Of course, don’t be weird about it. If you lay it on too thick, then they might think that you like them!
5. They Are Willing to Do You More Favors Than They Will for Other People
Generally speaking, if someone really likes you, they’ll go out of their way for you more than they will for others. This can be a bit confusing because it’s easy to assume that they’re just a nice, loving person who is happy to help a friend. Occasionally, this might indeed be the case, but often, a person is unreasonably accommodating simply because they like you in a romantic way.
Again, this is where you need to observe their behavior with others to understand if it’s just normal for them or if they see you as someone special.
6. They Always Seem to Hate Whoever You’re Dating
Does your friend never seem to like the person you’re dating (or, worse, married to)? Do they always seem to be able to find something “wrong” with your choice in a partner? Do they even go so far as to tell you that you could “do better”? Whenever you have a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend, are they always quick to point out how it’s a sign that you’re wrong for each other?
Sure, it’s possible that you really did pick the wrong person to date, and your friend is merely concerned about your happiness. If this happens over and over again, though, and there’s genuinely nothing wrong with the people you date, it could be that your friend likes you.
It’s especially telling if your friend tends to exaggerate the things that your significant other did wrong. For instance, let’s say you had a normal argument with your partner. You didn’t insult each other or anything, you just disagreed and raised your voices a little bit. Next thing you know, your friend is telling you that you “deserve better.”
Friend: “You’re such an amazing person. I can’t believe anyone would dare treat you that way.”
You: “Uh, we just got in a small argument. That’s pretty normal.”
Friend: “If I were dating you, I would treat you like a [queen/king]. I would never disagree with you.”
Does the above conversation sound familiar? Does it sound like something your friend would say? This is a pretty obvious sign that your friend likes you.
Watch out for friends who put down your partner.
If your friend goes as far as bad-mouthing your current lover for no good reason and implying that they would do a better job, be careful! This passionate friend probably isn’t someone you want to date. They have put you on a pedestal and have an unrealistic image of you in their mind. Keep your distance.
7. Whenever You Talk, You Always Seem to Have Your Friend’s Full Attention
This one is kind of sad because, ideally, you should always have a friend’s full attention when you talk to them! However, in this day and age of constant distraction, you’ll find that most people aren’t listening to everything you say. They’ll either start periodically checking their phones or daydreaming the moment they get bored with what you’re saying. People even do this with their own romantic partners.
On the other hand, if your friend is hanging on your every word, then they probably like you. If you always have their full attention, and they even remember little random things that you’ve said in the past, chances are that they might have a crush on you.
Now, it is possible that this person is just a really good listener. Sometimes you’ll run into people like this, who listen to everything you say as if you’re the only person in the world. If you watch them with other people, though, you’ll notice that this is their habit with everyone.
That’s the difference here—a good listener listens to everyone carefully and more or less equally. A friend who is severely crushing on you will give you more attention than they will anyone else.
8. They Compliment You a Lot
Most people are pretty stingy with compliments, and when they do give them, they’ll usually be based on something you did. For example, a polite acquaintance of yours might occasionally say things like:
- “Your report turned out really well. Nice job.”
- “I like how you did your hair today.”
- “Wow, you’re a really good driver.”
If a friend likes you, though, the compliments tend to be more frequent and more personal. They will compliment you about who you are (or who they think you are) more than what you do. For example, they might say:
- “You’re such a beautiful person.”
- “You’re so smart. You always know just what to do.”
- “You have such a pure soul.”
Basically, a person who is really attracted to you will be more focused on you, the person, than the positive (or negative) things that you do. You could say that this is why love is blind. A person who is in love can often ignore the glaring faults of their beloved.
9. They Try to Subtly Ask If You’re into Them
Most people who are attracted to someone want some kind of reciprocation. However, this doesn’t mean that they have the courage to come right out and ask for it. Sometimes a person who secretly likes you will hint at it subtly. For example, they might ask what your type is. They might make flirtatious jokes or imply that you like them and then look for a reaction from you.
If someone asks point-blank if you like them—even as a “joke”—they almost certainly want to know because they’re attracted to you. People who don’t like you, but suspect that you’re into them, usually try to avoid the subject altogether.
10. They Always Find Excuses to Touch You or Be Close to You
If your friend takes every opportunity to touch you in small ways, it might be a sign they’re into you. Do they touch your arm or hand during conversations when making a point or a joke? Do their hugs last longer than hugs from your other friends? Do they seem to “accidentally” graze your arm rather often? Touch can be a big indicator of romantic interest.
But physical proximity can be a hint, as well. Maybe your friend doesn’t actually go so far as to make contact, but does it seem like they’re always near you? For example, when you go out with a group for dinner or drinks, does your friend always sit or stand next to you? Staying near you, especially when you’re in a group, could be a sign that your friend has feelings for you.
Can body language indicate interest?
Yes! If you’re not sure whether your friend is into you, try observing their body language when they’re around you. It can be a big clue. These are some of the most common body language signs of attraction:
- Leaning In: This can show a desire to be close to the person you like and pay close attention to them.
- Tilting One’s Head: As with leaning in, this can indicate interest and a desire for nearness.
- Raising One’s Eyebrows: This can be another sign of close attention and interest.
- Blushing: This evolutionary sign of attraction is pretty simple. Blood flows to your face when you’re around someone you’re interested in, causing you to flush or blush.
- Pointing One’s Feet: If someone’s feet are pointed directly at you, this can indicate genuine interest.
- Dilated Pupils: Being around someone you’re interested in can stimulate the dilation of your pupils.
- Standing up Straight: Good posture is another potential indicator of attraction, especially in men, who tend to stand tall and square their shoulders in an attempt to demonstrate masculinity.
- Touching One’s Face and Hair: Attention to your appearance is heightened when you’re around someone you’re attracted to, which can lead to increased “preening.”
Body language can be easy to misinterpret.
Is your friend leaning in and tilting their head towards you because they’re attracted to you, or is it simply because you’re in a loud room where it’s hard to hear? According to Allan and Barbara Pease’s The Definitive Book of Body Language,
One of the most serious errors a novice in body language can make is to interpret a solitary gesture in isolation of other gestures or circumstances. […] Gestures come in ‘sentences’ called clusters and invariably reveal the truth about a person’s feelings or attitudes. A body language cluster, just like a verbal sentence, needs at least three words in it before you can accurately define each of the words. The ‘perceptive’ person is the one who can read the body language sentences and accurately match them against the person’s verbal sentences. (Pease 21)
So before you get all worked up about your friend touching their hair or raising their eyebrows when they talk to you, remember that any single gesture isn’t a sure indicator of attraction. It also helps to observe your friend’s body language around others. Do they act the same way they act around you? If so, they may not be interested in you as anything more than a friend.
11. They Send You Texts or Messages All the Time
Frequent messaging can be a sign that your friend is interested in you romantically, especially if they often initiate the conversation. And while texts aren’t a sure way to gauge someone’s interest, they can give some helpful hints as to whether your friend likes you through texting.
- Do you often wake up or fall asleep to “good morning” and “goodnight” texts from your friend?
- Do you receive other texts from them all day long?
- Do they respond to your messages right away?
These might be signs that your friend is attracted to you and wants to be more than just your pal.
12. They like All of Your Posts on Social Media
Maybe your photos and posts are just awesome, but if your friend likes every single one and often comments on them, they might like you more than you think. This may be their way of complimenting you and telling you they think you’re amazing without coming right out and saying it.
13. They Take Special Care to Look Good When They Hang out with You
If your friend looks totally put together every time you plan to meet but super casual when you just run into each other, it probably isn’t an accident—they’re likely putting in more effort to look good when they know they’ll be seeing you. Little things like meticulously smoothing out or straightening their clothes when they’re around you can be further clues that they’re attracted to you (and want you to be attracted to them, too!).
14. They Tell You Flat out That They Like You
Obviously, if someone comes right out and tells you, “Hey, Bozo, I like you!” then they probably do! Of course, it’s no secret at that point.
Again, even if someone says it as “a joke,” it probably isn’t. They’re just looking for a positive reaction but don’t have the guts to tell you in an obvious way.
If your friend straight up tells you that they like you, take it seriously. Even if you don’t like them back, have a talk with them and let them know, in no uncertain terms, how you feel. You might be worried that you’ll lose their friendship, but it’s better than stringing them along and making them think they have a chance with you.
What Do You Do If You See Signs That Your Friend Likes You?
If you don’t feel that way about your friend, don’t freak out! Just be honest about the situation. Stop allowing them to drop hints, and bring everything out in the open if you can. Even though it might feel easier or less awkward, letting it fester can be just as harmful to your relationship as putting it all on the table and dealing with the results. Sometimes the truth can be painful, but if you don’t feel the same way they do, they need to know.
If you like them back, though, it’s even more important to be up-front! Tell them how you feel, even if you’re afraid that the “signs” might not be enough evidence of their attraction. You’ll never know for sure unless you open yourself up to risk! That’s how love is.
Reasons to Date Your Best Friend
- They already know everything about you and accept you for who you are, flaws and all.
- Relationships with a solid basis in friendship are likely to last longer and be more rewarding.
- They already know your family and friends.
- You know you have a lot in common.
- You’re comfortable with each other. You’ve hung out in ratty t-shirts and stained sweatpants, eaten ice cream together straight out of the carton, and farted in front of one another (it happens, and you know it).
Reasons Not to Date Your Best Friend
- The risk factor is extremely high—if things don’t work out, it could change your relationship forever or end it altogether.
- The rest of your friend group might feel awkward, especially if you break up and they feel like they have to choose between you.
- Because you already love them as a friend, you might let them get away with things you don’t usually tolerate in a partner.
- Just because you’re amazing friends doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible together as more than that.
- You can no longer turn to your bestie with all your relationship troubles because . . . well . . . you’re dating them!
How to Date Your Bestie Without Ruining Your Friendship
While there are many reasons falling in love with your best friend can be awesome, it can also be a big risk. After all, what if you break up? This is an inherent risk when approaching your best friend about starting a relationship, and it’s not one to be taken lightly.
Strive for open communication.
If you think you might share your friend’s romantic feelings, be sure to have a discussion about communication before agreeing to try out dating. Granted, if you go on two dates and realize there’s no chemistry there, after all, you may be able to laugh it off and go back to business as usual. But if you’re together for a longer period of time, chances are it’ll be harder to go back to being just friends.
If things don’t work out, the ability to communicate openly and avoid feelings of resentment will greatly increase the chance that the two of you are able to remain good friends.
Take it slow.
Even if you’re both gung ho about finally being together, try not to rush into things. While it can definitely be difficult not to move too quickly, especially if both of you have had feelings about each other for some time, it can save you from some serious pain down the line if things go south. Taking it slow gives you both more time to make sure that being together is what you really want. Besides, even if you already know everything about each other as friends, you’ll have plenty more to learn about each other as partners, so give yourselves the time to figure one another out on a new, deeper level.
Be prepared for things not to work out.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to guarantee that your friendship will be “safe” after entering into a relationship of a different nature. One thing is for sure—if you start dating your friend, your relationship will change, for better or for worse. You might even lose that friend forever if things don’t work out. BUT, if they do, saying yes could be the best decision you’ve ever made. Regardless, you should never enter into a relationship with your best friend without considering the consequences.
How NOT to Date Your Bestie Without Ruining Your Friendship
Let’s face it—getting “friend-zoned” is hard! And while rejecting your friend’s romantic advance saves you from the possibility of breaking up later, it still has the potential to damage, or even end, your friendship. Sadly, the classic line—“I don’t want to ruin our friendship”—can ring hollow to someone who truly likes (or maybe even loves) you.
Try to understand their pain and disappointment.
If your friend really has feelings for you (rather than merely being attracted to you), rejection is going to sting. A lot. While a true friend will understand if you just don’t feel that way and will hopefully get over it and move on, it’s important to understand that it may take a while. It’s likely that they’re genuinely hurting in the wake of your rejection. They may also be scared that by confessing their feelings to you, they’ve messed things up forever.
Give them space and time to recover.
You can’t expect your friendship to go back to normal right away (and it may never go back to normal at all). Give your friend some distance so that they can lick their wounds and recalibrate. Don’t press them to talk about it or harp on the fact that you “wish everything could go back to the way it was.” If you two are true friends, things will sort themselves out in time, so resist the urge to hurry things along.
Navigating your way through any relationship can be tricky, but never more so than when that potential relationship (or lack thereof) is with a good friend. I hope this article has not only helped you recognize if a friend has feelings for you but also helped you figure out what to do about it. I wish you all the best!