In the world of relationships, it is commonly perceived that it is men that are more likely to cheat than women. While this may or may not be the case, it is certainly true that men have cheated in the past and will continue to be unfaithful in future – just as women are likely to as well.
It can be upsetting behavior when your partner cheats, especially if you love him. It can be very confusing as well if your husband or boyfriend has told you that they love you, but you have caught them cheating anyway.
Here, in this article we look at why guys are unfaithful if they say they love you. It can help give you reasons as to their actions and may help you in some way, if it helps you to explain their unfaithfulness.
What Are Their Reasons?
1. Scared Of Commitment
A big reason that men often start cheating is that they are scared of commitment and being in a relationship. It sounds very counterproductive to those that are not scared of being in a committed couple where you are both monogamous to one another.
However, some people do think along such lines. They are willing to sabotage their loving relationship with a person as they are too scared of what their love can mean. The idea of being with the same person for the rest of their lives scares them so much that they feel that they need to look elsewhere.
Also, by cheating it can be a person’s way of convincing themselves that they are not in a committed relationship. This starts to become a self fulfilling prophecy as the very act of cheating will often break a relationship up.
If you feel that this could be the case with your cheating partner, ask him to talk about it with you. Make him talk through his reasons for going elsewhere and make sure you make him realise how his actions have made you feel. Also, it is a good opportunity to emphasize why being in a committed relationship is nothing to really be scared of and is actually something very healthy.
2. Past Relationship Issues
Another one of the reasons that so many men have cheated in the past, is that they have a lot of emotional baggage that has come from past relationships. This baggage makes them feel like a strong, loving connection is something to be wary of and nothing to treat with the respect that you want.
If you have discovered that your guy has been cheating on you, whether you are married or not, try to look at his past partnerships and significant others. Consider whether any of those relationships were not happy and healthy to such a degree that they have had a serious impact on your man’s ability to know how to act in love with you.
Emotional baggage can be very difficult to overcome, on top of the fact that you could want to walk away as you will have been hurt so much by any infidelity that you have unearthed. However, it is definitely something that can be helpful to take into consideration. Plus, your spouse will be eternally grateful for your kindness too.
Helping someone through their emotional difficulties from years ago is an incredibly healthy thing you can do in a relationship. It can help get everything out on to the table so that you can tackle issues head on. Plus, while it may not help you feel less hurt by your partner cheating, it may at least help you understand it.
This type of communication is highly praised by any relationship therapist that you would talk to. Therapists are often promoting a couple’s need to talk more to each other and be open and frank about their feelings. Let your partner know what you are thinking therefore and hopefully he will do the same for you. That way you can get your relationship back on track even after cheating.
3. They View Sex Differently
It may sound like an easy out, but men do tend to view sex differently to women. Even in an era where gender equality is rife, women still see sex as an emotional connection as well as a physical one. Men, however, really can separate the two connections. Some can even do it with ease.
This is one of the biggest reasons that guys will have sex with someone else other than their wife or girlfriend even if they have said they love you. They see sex as a much less important thing and so are happier to do it with someone else outside of their relationship.
This can be a difficult mismatch of opinions to move on from when cheating has occurred. As a guy may simply not feel that his actions are that inexcusable due to viewing sex as a physical connection as opposed to an emotional one, he could feel that his act of being a cheater isn’t really that bad. For a woman that does view sex as an important part of a relationship, this could be just too big a divide to overcome.
A way to do so, is to talk it through. You both need to get your feelings out on the table, even if it is emotionally traumatic. By going through what the cheating ordeal has meant to you both, you will both know how each of you are feeling exactly and as such know exactly where you stand on what you want.
Knowing how you both feel about the situation makes moving forward that bit easier. Even if you both don’t really agree with how each of you think, you can at least get to a position where you at least can accept it. Plus, if it was just sex to your partner, at least you know that he doesn’t love the woman or women he has had a sexual encounter with. That can sometimes provide comfort.
4. Emotionally Immature
Men can go outside their relationships sometimes simply because they are emotionally immature. They won’t be sensitive enough to your needs to realise that it can be so incredibly hurtful to be in a relationship where your other half cheats. If your partner is emotionally immature, he is susceptible to cheating because he is probably still very selfish by nature. It can also mean that his behavior is hurtful in other ways too – for instance he probably puts his needs first in several other situations too, not just in terms of his faithful commitment to you.
If you love your partner, and even though he has cheated on you due to being emotionally immature, it is a good idea to highlight when his behavior has fallen short for you. Explain to him that his actions make you feel like you are not loved or central to his life. This is particularly true if he has cheated on you when he has said he loves you.
If he does love you as much as he says he does, then he will want to change his actions so that he pleases you and keeps you happy. It could sound to some that it is a bit of a stretch to think that some men are so emotionally immature and selfish that they don’t realise that cheating is hurtful – but it could well be the case with some that have not been asked to take ownership of their actions in the past before.
5. They Don’t View Monogamy As Essential
There are some people in the world that don’t believe in monogamy or the need for it in a relationship. This can be a totally workable scenario if both women and men in those relationships believe the same thing. However, it could be that you are one of the women who believe in monogamous relationships, but your partner doesn’t. If that is the case, it could very well be one of the reasons that your guy cheats on you, even though he says he loves you.
If that sounds like something that is occuring in your relationship, it can be difficult to work through it. Again, it comes from different standpoints and belief systems, which can often be at odds with each other for the eternity of a relationship or marriage.
When both of you have such opposing viewpoints, it means that someone will have to compromise, should you want the relationship to continue. If being faithful to each other is something that you absolutely have to have as standard, tell your partner this. If he doesn’t agree with your point of view, he can at least try to have respect for it. Or, conversely, it could be that just because you don’t agree with his point of view, you can at least make your peace with the fact that he doesn’t see monogamy as essential.
People cheat on the ones they love for all manner of different reasons. There will be an underlying theme in all of them however and that will be that they are selfish beings. If they are selfish, they won’t get that their actions can be so hurtful to the people they love.
You can love someone that you are unfaithful to. It could mean however that you have a few emotional issues that you need to work through for your partnership to become a healthy relationship again. Work closely with your partner or therapist, highlight those issues and resolve them.
People can cheat for a variety of reasons in a relationship. Some can be because they are materially very unhappy and don’t know how to move on from the relationship they are in. Whereas others simply believe they can get away with it and don’t realise how hurtful their actions are.
You could cheat on your boyfriend for many reasons even though you love him. If you realise that you love your boyfriend and you have cheated on him, be as open and honest with both him and yourself on why you acted like you did.
A person can cheat as they are emotionally immature, they view sex differently, they don’t believe in monogamy or they simply don’t believe they’ll get caught. What sets them apart is how they and their partners go on to deal with the repercussions of their actions.
The Bottom Line
It can be difficult to come to terms with finding out about an infidelity on the part of your other half. You can feel like your world is crashing down around you – particularly if they have told you that they love you. It can be something that can rip relationships apart, but it is something that you can work through too – if you know why they have cheated on you.
Talk it through with your partner either way – it will help you move on, even if it’s with or without him.
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