Funny Personals That Women Post
Dating, love, marriage…all of these things are very serious, and very important. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good laugh every now at the expense of the lonely and desperate.
Especially those who advertise themselves on the public market with such an amusing array of humorous, weird, and shocking words.
In another article, I highlighted some of the most bizarre, arrogant, and downright creepy ads posted by men. Here, we will see what the ladies have to say.
As before, remember that this article is meant to be educational, so take these following ads as examples in how not to advertise yourself when dating.
The Woman Who Knows What She Wants
Who says that women don’t know what they want? Sure, some women’s opinions and needs may change every few minutes…but there are some females on this planet who know exactly what they want.
SW-looking for solid relationship. I am 32, college educated, smart, fun, and sexy. I seeking a man who is ready to commit. You must between the ages of 30 and 45 and meet these requirements:
- You must own your own home
- You must have a steady job
- Your income must meet or exceed mine ($49,000)
- You must have your own automobile
- You must be single, preferably never married
- You must not have any kids
- You must not have any pets.
- You must enjoy reading
- You must be healthy
- You must not do drugs
- You must not have a criminal record
- You must be willing to respect me.
- You must be well-groomed
- Looking a little like Brad Pitt would be a big plus in your favor.
( See? And she is definitely a goal-oriented woman!)
- I know you are out there. My hero. My cowboy. You are 23-30 years old, youthful, lean, rugged. You have sparkling blue eyes, sandy hair, and a great smile. You are quiet and shy. You spend time outdoors, you love your family. You like dogs, kids, home-cooking, romantic nature walks, comedies, indie music. You can sing, play an instrument, and kiss like a dream. You have a horse, a home in the country and a real job. You want a good woman and beautiful kids. Wherever you are, I’m yours.
- Needed quick! Date to family reunion. Three days, all expenses paid. Looking for man who is 30-45, tall, healthy, and smart. Must be comfortable with strangers, able to play endless hours of frisbee, and not a vegetarian. Must be either Christian or willing to pretend, have a good job, and like animals and kids. Please be well-groomed, too. Ironed clothes are a big plus. I am a 31 yo athletic brunette with brown eyes. Please don’t respond if you don’t think you can pretend to be my boyfriend.
Arrogance is a valuable asset these days:
- SF–28, All I want is someone who is perfect. Or as close as humanly possible.
- I consider myself the perfect woman. I’m smart, fun, witty, pretty, enthusiastic, the best cook, a great housekeeper, and an ideal citizen. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
Looks Are Almost Everything
It is pretty much understood that mean are visual creatures. They like to look first. What one guy finds attractive may be a major turn-off for the next guy; each one has his own individual idea about beauty. Here are some ladies who claim to be simply irresistible;
- Hi! I’m Allison. I am 24 and really cute. I am a college student, getting my degree in education. I have blue eyes, blond hair, and am 5’6”. I am sporty, athletic, pretty, and attractive. If you are looking for someone who will love to look at, call me. (we get it. You are cute.)
- SWF, 27 seeking cute guy. My measurements are 40-29-38.
- Super pretty, fun, flirty woman with piercings in all the best places. Looking for fun guy who likes piercings! i have black hair, green eyes, and like to dress-up. I will never be that woman who meets you at the door wearing pajamas and a sweatshirt.
- BBW seeking chubby guy. Yes, I am heavy at 385 pounds. Im also 5’6. I don’t wear makeup, i wear comfy clothes. My mom says i am a slob. whatever. I won’t judge you on what you wear either. looking for guy between 20 and 60, with good teeth, maybe curly hair, and good hands. (what are good hands?)
We also have women that set very high standards about the looks of their future boyfriends:
- H. J., seeking athletic, well-groomed (manscaping a must) man between 24-30. Sharp dressers prefered. I’m 23, active and healthy. I work-out twice a day, eat a strict diet, and spend a lot of time on grooming. I demand someone who cares as much or more about his appearance.
- SF-seeking tattooed man. No skulls, crosses, names of exes, or flowers, plz. Symbolic tats only, sleeve or back.
- Here are my fave celebs. you look like any of them? Give me a call!
- 62 widowed once, divorced twice. Looking for man 60-72 who looks 50-55. No long hair, facial hair, tattoos, piercings, kids, debts, serious health conditions, or mental disorders. Bikers prefered.
Kind, Loving, Charming…
Many men want to settle down with a woman who is sweet and nurturing, Someone who will support them after a hard day. Someone who will be a role model to their children as she extends a loving hand to those in need. Here are some women who probably don’t fit that vision:
- I hate men. At least most men. I am looking for the man who can change my opinion.
- SW–28 tired or dealing with love. Looking for a man who is NOT a retarded, crazy, stupid, ugly, short, fat, drunk, jobless, mean, depressed, lying loser.
- My name is Willa, I am 35, divorced, attractive, and lonely. I am looking for a LTR with someone who is honest and conversational. I will be honest too. I hate kids, so don’t even bother me if you have them. I hate in-laws (bad experience so don’t expect me to love them. I hate cats, so get rid of it or don’t bother me. I hate sports, so if that is your thing, either bring your own television or find someone who likes them. I am curvy, 5’7″, brown hair, brown eyes, and have a great job.
Dating ads presented by the younger women of our world can be very interesting too:
- Single (again) 18, cute, 5’7″, 130 pounds. Black hair, blue eyes. my heart has broken hundreds of times over the years. I need someone mature, (18-19 1/2), pref. a Leo or Aries.
- hi! Im Mindy–Im 19, (almost 20) Im tall, kinda curvy. Im fun and spontaneous, very outgoing. Love to hang with friends, go to parties and dances. I like meeting new people, watching movies, singing in the shower. Im also very shy and sweet so if you are nice guy, maybe I am right for you.
- Natalie–21, petite nursing student. Totally into blood and guts movies. i don’t really have time to date. but we can chat while i’m doing homework. im hoping to be a brain surgon someday so expect an ambitios girl and convos about medical stuff.
- 21, pretty, freckled, kind. Love outdoors, art, reading, television, poetry, writing, animals, kids, my family. I work as a nude model for art classes so please no men with jealousy issues. My dream is to go on to be a Playmate.
Love and the Older Generation
Women typically live longer than men. Gone are the days when widows had to live out the rest of their lives alone. Older women get divorced too. That’s okay. It is healthy and normal for these ladies to seek out new love lives. Sounds like the future men for these ladies will have their hands full though.
- Active, healthy, octogenarian seeking handsome older man for committed relationship. must healthy, polite, and very good in bed.
- 76 (look 65) DW, being pushed relentlessly by granddaughter to find a new boyfriend. Looking for mentally stable, nice looking man of any age, race, style, and background that is willing to put up with me. Please like pets, gardening and nosy grandchildren.
- Janet–79, widowed twice. Not looking to marry again, just want to date nice gentleman close to my age. I hold a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and am currently training in Judo. I know how to defend myself. So no perverts.
- 81–Had enough commitment. Seeking someone for casual dating and romance. If it works you can move into my spare apartment. Both free to date others. Please be clean, kind, and have no criminal background. Be willing to be tested for drugs/STD’s.
The Weird and Indecipherable
I think we all get a little irked when we see messages on social networks that are garbled, and unreadable We can forgive typos, a little bad spelling, even some incorrect word use. I definitely forgive people who are making an wonderful effort to type or write in a second language.
However…I firmly believe some of the messages such as the ones below were written by people from Mars. Or maybe Neptune.
- hot gurl needin agrate man. Be nice, smart and good looking no weirdos. 19 busty nedd someone to hang with.
- Pretentious. No crime. Beautiful. Not a sin. Vain. With good reason. Real. Why then?
- 18, single could be anything.
- SWF (yg-)No pps, no ds. Looking for Sm (ar)/(aa). Ints incl. bting, fshing, mm. Hlth chk, plz.. YPGMP. (um…okay.)
- onions make me cry, so do boys who lie…i need some one who cares, not someone who stares. Thanks todd you broke my hart, and now we are apart. I can’t believe you cheated, my hart is deafeated. Im sexy and im hot, if your with someone who’s not, i need someone whose new, call me if its you. (19, bl hair, bl eyes, pretty, fun need someone who is not TODD. who better not call me.)
All You Need Is Love
The world is full of lonely people looking for love. Why does dating have to be so hard? Well, the good news is that experts say that there is someone (or more) for each of us.
No matter what you look like, or unusual you seem in your ads, that perfect someone is out there waiting for you too. Happy dating!