When we get married, or fall in love, we tend to be incredibly tactile with the object of our affection. However, sometimes, a few years into a relationship, a couple’s sex life and intimacy can diminish. While this is quite common, it can also be the case that it is a one sided issue. Some couples find that while one person wants sex a lot, the other does not.
Here we look at what it is called when a wife doesn’t want a husband to touch her, but also what to do if you have no feelings for your partner. We also discuss what a partner can do if their other half is the one that doesn’t want to be touched and why it could be that a partner avoids intimacy.
What Is It Called When You Don’t Want To Be Touched?
There is a condition called Haphephobia which is a medical term for someone who has a phobia of being touched. It makes people suffering from it incredibly anxious. There are other names for it too, but while it may be a medically recognised condition for some, there is a big difference between Haphephobia and not wanting to be touched by your husband.
Hapnephobia is far more about being afraid to be touched by someone you do not know or that you have not allowed to touch to you. While it can happen that the phobia can become so great that you don’t want to be touched by family members either, it is usually not an issue for those with the disorder to be touched by ones that they know and love.
There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. This is probably not the case between a wife and husband who have lost a level of intimacy in their relationship. However if it does hurt for you to be touched by anyone, go and see a medical professional.
So what else is it when you do’t want to be touched by your husband? Is there a name for it or is there anything that causes it?
Often, when women recoil from the touch of their loved ones or don’t seem to have a sex drive anymore, they are called frigid. This term is not particularly helpful nor useful to use. Frigid has a lot of negative connotations to it and if a woman who seems to be shying away from a sex life with her husband, calling her frigid will only seek to make matters worse.
Instead, it is good to address other issues that could be causing the problem as opposed to passing it off as a partner being frigid. More often than not, when women don’t want to be touched there are much larger issues at play. One of them could be suffering from a low self esteem. This can occur for a number of reasons but if you feel that this is you or your partner’s problem, then look at ways to solve it.
You could do some work on building up your confidence or look to your past for reasons that your confidence took a battering and is consequently a lot lower than other people’s. Low self confidence can have a huge effect on a person’s body image, amongst other things, which can then lead them to shy away from being touched or any type of foreplay or sex itself.
Additionally, some women suffer more strongly than others with hormonal swings and imbalances in their bodies. This can have a big effect too on the amount that they like to be touched – if at all. The female body goes through a lot during their monthly cycle and it can mean that women sometimes have lower and higher libidos at certain times.
What To Do If You Have No Feelings For Your Husband?
Not wanting to touch your husband can sadly be borne out of the fact that you no longer have feelings for him. This does not necessarily spell the end of your relationship however and things can most definitely get better. Here, we list three things that can work as a way to improve relations between you.
Seek Out A Couples Counselor
Not many couples like to do it, but seeking the help of a therapist can work wonders for your relationship on ever level – including improving your sex drive. The reason being is that working with a therapist gives you both a safe place to talk through things or an issue that may have been affecting your relationship and the sex between you. Even the happiest of couples could benefit from working with a therapist once in a while – do not worry about any stigma you may think is attached to using one. All relationships go through bad patches.
Improve The Levels Of Communication
One thing that most counsellors will recommend when trying to improve things between a husband and wife, is to talk to each other more and open up about the emotions in your head and the pressure you may be feeling – both within and outside of your marriage. By having open and frank conversations, you will soon start to understand each other a great deal better which in turn helps with the improving the intimacy between you both.
Make A Concerted Effort To Spend More Time Together
Another reason that couples tend to find that they no longer want to touch each other is if their interests start to diverge so much that they run out of conversation. To stop this from happening, try to come up with an activity that you could both do together to help foster a new common ground between the two of you. In time, this will help nurture loving feelings and thoughts in the marriage again. Activities do not need to be new white knuckle hobbies. Simply sitting down to dinner with each other as often as possible can help.
Why Does My Wife Not Want Me To Touch Her?
It can be so hard on a husband who loves to show his wife his love through physically touching her, to have his affections constantly turned away. Have patience and understanding though and you will see a way to improve the situation and your sex life as a result.
She Could Be Stressed
Stress can affect people in a number of different ways. It can therefore be that your wife does not like to be touched by you because she is under a huge amount of pressure elsewhere in her life. This can manifest itself in shying away from being physical with you.
If you think this could be the case, talk to her openly about it and work towards a way that means she can deal with her stress without recoiling from you. Stress is not to be underestimated as a root cause for many issues in a relationship, so be aware of situations that could arise that make your wife’s stress and anxiety hit the roof. You may be able to help mitigate them.
The Mental Load
The mental load a woman deals with when she looks after a family can be huge. In fact, it can be a huge driver of stress in her life. It is very common and a problem that you can work through with your wife – either on your own or during a family therapy session. It means you will deal with ways on how to share the burden of having children together. It won’t just mean you will be doing more laundry or washing up – instead, it will be about sharing thinking ahead about your family’s needs, like she inevitably will do.
Her Body May Have Changed Over The Years
If you do have a family together, or even if you have been together for a while, your wife may shy away from you touching her simply because she no longer sees her body as it once was. Over time, and especially after children, a woman’s body changes drastically to cause them to think differently about sex and intercourse with their partner. A good way to solve this problem is to remind your wife that you are someone who loves her both physically and mentally.
Why Does My Wife Avoids Intimacy?
There are numerous reasons why a wife can avoid intimacy with her husband – and often they’re not anything to do with the husband themselves. Here, we list three reasons why a wife may avoid touching her partner.
She May Be Suffering From A Crisis Of Confidence
A big driver behind why any woman may shy away from being touched or any form of intimacy from their partner is down to a crisis of confidence. This can be down to not liking their body or simply because they have low self esteem about their personality or character too. Much like if you are with a woman who no longer likes the look of her body, it can be a good idea to work on ways to build up her confidence again so that you can both enjoy sex and intimacy as part of your relationship again.
She Could Be Nervous
A woman may not want to have sex with her partner because she is too nervous about expressing her sexuality and may have problems will a lack of experience in the bedroom. If you believe that this could be the case with your wife and that your sexual encounters with her are often driven by you, try to approach or make advances in such a way that you build up her confidence between the sheets.
Her Mind May Be Elsewhere
A woman often has many concerns going on in her head and finds it difficult to forget them – even if she does actually enjoy sex. This can mean that her mind may be elsewhere when she has a lot on and she may be suffering from anxiety because of them. Or it could just be that she finds arousal hard when she has so much on her mind.
Men are much better at putting distance between themselves and their going concerns prior to having sex than women. Try to lead her by example if you fear this may be the case for your marriage and she will slowly start to see that sex can be a good way of giving and gaining pleasure that helps her relax too.
When You Don’t Want To Touch You Husband – The Bottom Line
Both a man and woman have a part to play in keeping the sex alive in a marriage. It can be hard to maintain the levels of intimacy they both enjoyed when they first started dating as life so often gets in the way with its stresses. These can put a huge amount of pressure on a partnership and a major way this can affect women in particular is for their libido to get incredibly low.
Part of the way that you can help change – whether you are a man or woman – is to be aware of what it is that causes you so much stress in your life and try to address those stresses. Even if it is talking through issues with your partner, you will find that it has a huge impact on your mental health and your sex life as a consequence.
Do you worry that you don’t like to be touched by your other half? Do you shy away from his every advance? If this is you, please leave your comments below and any ways that you have helped deal with them. Our readers would value hearing real life stories and how you helped yourself out of that situation.
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