Has your marriage been rocked by your husband’s infidelity?
Are you trying to figure out if it’s possible to forgive your husband for this horrific breach of trust?
Perhaps you’ve accepted it’s over, and now you’re looking for ways to move on from your unfaithful husband?
Either way, this guide can help you.
Here in this article, we look at how to get over infidelity if the two of you want to save your marriage.
But we also look at how you can get over a cheating husband should your relationship break down irrevocably.
Finally, we look at how long it can take for someone to get over a partner being unfaithful to them.
However, before we dive into this useful article, I want to recommend a tool that can help repair any paranoia or lack of trust that occurs in your future relationships.
This online background check tool can reveal a wealth of data about your partner’s communications history.
Once you enter a few of his basic details into the tool, it can produce an extensive database regarding his communications.
You’ll find out who they are communicating with, which apps they’re using, which contact details they’ve registered – and that’s just the main highlights of the data you’ll be able to peruse.
This tool can be used to help to ease the paranoia of a lover who has been cheated on. It can also help people learn a bit more about their new lover’s true intentions.
Discretion is guaranteed – so if you think this tool will help you through your current situation – I’d suggest you go ahead and make use of it straight away.
With that said, here are some more ideas for how you can recover from the bombshell of being cheated on by your husband.
How To Get Over An Affair
- 1 How To Get Over An Affair
- 2 How Do I Get Over A Cheating Husband?
- 3 How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Cheating Spouse?
- 4 FAQs
- 5 The Bottom Line
If you have decided to stay with your partner having found out that he has had an affair, there are a number of things you can do to ensure that you both move on and have a healthy relationship again.
1. Marriage Counseling
Couples often want to steer clear of seeing a marriage counselor for fear that it will look bad. However, even happy relationships would benefit from going to see a therapist who helps open up lines of communication between two people.
Seeing a marriage counselor after an affair is a good idea as it provides one another with a safe space to talk about how the affair has affected the pair. It also provides positive ways to help address any sense of pain caused without pointing fingers of blame to anyone.
A marriage counselor is a good intermediary between two people who have difficulties in their relationship and will ultimately help them address those issues in the most proactive way possible.
2. Be Open And Honest
When someone has had an affair in a marriage, one of the most difficult things that can arise from it is the pain that it causes at the time, but also continues to cause for a long while afterward. One of the best methods of minimizing this happening is to be open and honest about how you are both feeling.
When someone brings a third party into the relationship, the most common feelings that are caused are rejection and confusion as well as distrust. If you sense that any of these feelings have arisen between you and your partner because of infidelity, then it is best to bring them up as and when you each feel them.
The reason that this helps is that you stop problems becoming bigger and bigger which they naturally do if you do not highlight them when they first arise. It can take courage to be open and honest with your life partner or husband as it can cause pain at times, but it is necessary to be done to reduce hurt in the future.
3. Resolve Problems Head-On
Along similar lines to going to a marriage counselor and being open with one another, is endeavoring to tackle problems that arise in your relationship head-on. Hoping that they will simply go away if you ignore them and hope time makes the issues smaller is sadly never going to be the case – particularly after a relationship has been through infidelity.
Instead, ensure that you address problems that arise in your relationship as and when they occur. Again, this stops problems from escalating and becoming bigger than they need to be. Remember, relationships are hard – you won’t get on all of the time or agree on everything.
However, if you have agreed to try to make your marriage work, you need to understand that problems won’t just go away because you want them to. Sadly, that is not human nature. Instead, if you resolve problems with proactive and positive action, you will both find that your relationship becomes better and stronger over time.
How Do I Get Over A Cheating Husband?
Sometimes, a marriage does not survive when your husband has been unfaithful. Whether this occurs because he leaves you for the person he is having an affair with, or because you no longer want him in your life or because you come to the conclusion mutually, you will still want to move on in some way. Here are some steps you can take to ensure you do so in the most healthy way possible.
1. Go To Therapy
Working with a therapist can be a great way of addressing any demons that may have arisen in your mind when you have found out that your partner has cheated on you. The feelings that you are dealing with are very complicated and can affect so many parts of your life that it is a good idea to talk them through with a trained professional.
They will suggest methods to cope with feelings such as anxiety, depression, and rejection in your day to day life, as well as giving you explanations for why you have started to feel like you do.
2. Talk Openly With Friends
A good way to get over a cheating husband is to ensure that you talk through your problems with your friends. Talking with friends is a healthy way of making sure that you do not bottle up all the emotions you are dealing with since the break down of your marriage.
Separating and leaving your husband is a huge step to take and one that you will most likely not have been through before. You will, therefore, encounter feelings that you have not had to deal with at any other stage in your life. As such, it is important to discuss them as it helps you cope with the enormity of the situation. Doing so with loved ones and friends is a key outlet for you.
3. Start Dating When Ready
Dating other people may sound like something that you can never do when your relationship breaks down with your husband, but it can be an incredibly healthy way of moving on. The reason being is that it can help you get over the feelings of rejection and insecurity that are so common when a marriage breaks down due to infidelity.
Dating is also meant to be fun. Going out and flirting with others can help you remember that you are an attractive person that is wanted by others who are not your husband. This can be so easy to forget when you are in a marriage and it is a key way to start to move on – even if it does not materialize into anything serious. In fact, it can be very healthy and beneficial simply to date to have harmless fun.
4. Be Mindful Of Your Actions
In a day and age where so much of our lives take place on social media, it can be very tempting when your marriage has ended due to a cheating husband, to start stalking him and his affair partner online.
This is most likely not healthy to do. The reason being is that social media very rarely tells the whole story and you will most likely just come out of looking at Facebook or Instagram posts with a huge feeling of negativity.
You will no doubt be in a very fragile and sensitive state for some time after your marriage has broken down. This is not at all unusual and in fact totally normal. But it is good to remember that it is ok to feel shaky sometimes. The reason it is good to remember is that it will hopefully stop you from doing anything that may cause you pain – like looking at social media or talking to your husband if it just causes you to hurt.
5. Ask For Support
Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for support. This is slightly different from ensuring that you talk to them as and when you need to about your emotions. While that is imperative to do as often as you need, you also need to know when to ask them for support in other situations.
It could be that you don’t want to attend a function alone or that you need some help with the kids – in a time that your husband may have ordinarily done so. Remember that you are new to this situation and so you will come across instances where you feel out of your depth due to your sense of being newly single.
It is in your best interests therefore to ask your friends and family to be there for you and check in on occasion to make sure you are doing okay. While it’s great to have someone to talk to, you also need people to be there to cheer you up and help you at times when you are low.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Cheating Spouse?
Knowing how long it takes to get over a guy who has cheated on you is difficult to say. The reason being is that no one can predict how you will react to the situation that you are faced with. Bearing this in mind, we have listed a number of ways that you can help yourself get over your guy to speed the process along as much as possible – but remember that you can’t convince yourself to be over someone. That has to happen naturally, but have confidence in the fact that it will.
6. Be Kind To Yourself
Firstly, remember to be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Being cheated on is a hard situation to find yourself in and your feelings will be hard to predict on a daily basis. There will be some days that you feel like you are happy and over the guy who was unfaithful to you. There are other times that all the hurt will feel like an insurmountable challenge to get over. Have faith in the fact that the days where you feel happy will start to be more frequent than the one where you feel low and at odds with the world.
7. Listen To Your Feelings
Along the same lines as being kind to yourself, remember to listen to how you are feeling on any one day. If you don’t, you could force yourself to do something that you are not ready for and, when it transpires that you don’t feel that way, you will feel worse for feeling like a failure. Plus listening to your feelings means that you will ask for support when you need as opposed to muddling through.
8. Don’t Rush
So often when we break up with someone, and especially when we break up with someone that has cheated on us, we try to force the issue and rush how we are truly feeling. It’s an effort to convince yourself that we are over our other halves and the quicker that we are over them the more successful we are in life.
The fact of the matter is, the more you force yourself to feel better and try to rush the process of getting over a guy, the slower you will do it. You will encounter more setbacks from pressurizing yourself to be over a guy before you are ready.
9. Don’t Give In To Self-Pity
It can be hard not to, but at some point after a breakup, you are likely to feel sorry for yourself. When this happens to you, as much as it is absolutely necessary to listen to your feelings, try not to give in to your self-pity too much. In practice, this means it is necessary not to wallow in your sadness and let it overcome you. If you do, you will not allow yourself to go through any of the necessary steps that can help you get over your husband.
For, when you start giving in to self-pity, you will stop wanting to go out and see people and partake in regular day to day life. Doing both those things is essential to help you get over a guy – amongst many other activities that you carried out before your marriage broke down.
This is a hard question to answer as it can vary so much from person to person, couple to couple. If you have discovered your husband has been cheating on you, you need to think about whether you can fully forgive him to get your relationship back on track.
The pain that an infidelity can cause may not go away totally, but it will definitely take on a different form the more time goes on. Whether you stay with your partner or your marriage breaks down, the healing process will get easier over time and the pain dulls.
Getting over a cheating spouse will vary in time amounts as it will depend on how you approach life after you discover you have a cheating partner. If you take a proactive approach, you may find that it takes you less time to get over a cheater.
How you move on after discovering that your husband has cheated on you is down to you and how best you think you should deal with the situation. Everyone is different and what works for one person may not do the trick for others. Be kind to yourself and listen to how you are feeling.
This is not always the case. As ever with relationship problems, it will vary greatly on the people involved. It could be that your partner is someone who cannot be monogamous, or it could be that your partner is someone who simply made an unusual error in judgment.
The Bottom Line
Getting over being cheated on is a hard process. It is important to remember this when you have been in a relationship where a partner has been unfaithful to you. The reason being is that if you rush in your efforts to move on and force yourself to feel things that you don’t, you will inevitably actually cause yourself to be a setback. The result is that getting over your spouse and his unfaithful ways will take much longer than it needs to.
Ultimately, it is essential that you are kind to yourself and sensitive to your needs and emotions. There is no point pushing yourself to get over something that is a huge change in your life and a massive let down from the person that you loved. Have faith in the fact that you will get over him – but you have to give yourself the time and space to do so.
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