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Do you casually throw a narcissist label on people simply because they were unkind, harsh, or brief with you? How do you know if a person is truly narcissistic or just experiencing emotions or a situation that hasn’t been communicated? In this episode of Women of Impact, Lisa Bilyeu speaks with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, best-selling author, expert of narcissism and so much more. Dr. Ramani and Lisa go deep into the world of narcissism. Together they walk you through a complete journey to getting a better understanding of the narcissist, their motivators, and how you may be allowing yourself to be the victim. Dr Ramani begins with the 6 types of narcissistic behaviors and teaches you what the narcissistic game is and how you can play to win by removing yourself or taking responsibility for staying.
Order Dr Ramani’s book, “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”
SHOW NOTES:
Define | Dr. Ramani explains what a narcissist is. [3:52]
Grandiose | Dr. Ramani defines the classical grandiose narcissist [3:53]
Covert | Dr. Ramani defines the covert narcissist [4:34]
Malignant | Dr. Ramani defines the malignant narcissist [5:01]
Communal | Dr Ramani defines the communal narcissist [5:35]
Neglectful | Dr Ramani defines the neglectful narcissist [6:10]
Self Righteous | Dr Ramani defines the self-righteous narcissist [6:42]
Insecurity | Dr. Ramani explains the relationship between narcissism and insecurity
Pathological Insecurity | Dr. Ramani explains the difference between Pathologically insecure and conventionally insecure [8:30]
Misconceptions | Dr. Ramani talks about the misconceptions of narcissism [11:02]
Relational Responsibility | Dr. Ramni explains the responsibility of respect, empathy and clarity[17:07]
Not Changing | Dr. Ramani explains what to do when they are not going to change [19:41]
Red Flags | Dr. Ramani reveals red flags to look for [20:40]
Rules of Three | Dr. Ramani breaks down rules of engagement with narcissistic people [21:00]
Wanting is Fine | Dr. Ramani explains it is okay to want what you want, but accept truth [23:22]
Devaluing Yourself | Dr. Ramni explains about devaluation of yourself dealing with narcissist [24:14]
The Game | Dr. Ramani reveals the narcissist’s game [25:15]
Avoid the Trap | Dr. Ramani explains how to void the narcissistic trap [26:00]
Abandonment Issues | Dr. Ramani reveals narcissist have abandonment issues [26:30]
Holding Safe Space | Dr. Ramani explains holding space when you’ve hurt someone [28:25]
Communication | Dr. Ramani explains narcissistic people shut the lines of communication [29:45]
Conversations | Dr. Ramani talks about having conversations when you’ve been shut out [31:17]
Identify Narcissism | Dr. Ramani explains how important it is to identify these behaviors immediately [31:58]
Charisma | Dr. Ramani explains the connection between charismatic people and narcissist [32:28]
Changing a Narcissist | Dr. Ramani reveals her thoughts if narcissists can change their rigid behavior [37:17]
Men vs. Women Narcissists | Dr. Ramani explains social impact on behaviors that impact narcissistic behaviors in men and women [42:07]
Raising Kids | Dr. Ramani shares tips how to raise children to not be narcissistic [44:17]
QUOTES:
“Too many people try to draw water out of empty wells, they want people to communicate with them the way that they want. If this is not working for you then leave. Do not try to transform someone into something they can’t be.” [19:30]
“They’re not going to change, what are you going to do? […] I’ll stay if, there’s no if, this is it this is who this person is. You stay AND this is how it is [19:57]
“With a narcissistic person, the earlier you leave the easier it is to extract. […] The problem is, early in the game, the narcissist doesn’t like to lose, so they will try to suck you back, they will try to hoover you back, and that is very seductive” [25:17]
“You are disrespecting yourself staying in this conversation, and it’s just going to get more abusive, so there is no way forward.” [31:48]
“Charisma is like heavy perfume or cologne that someone that someone wears when they don’t take a shower, it’s probably covering up something else” [32:28]
“No one gets made a six month old baby for crying, […] a narcissist wants to be treated like a six month old, have their tantrums, and still have people snuggle them afterwards.” [38:42]
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