7 Reasons Why Your Husband Or Boyfriend Is NOT Affectionate

In this article you’ll learn:

  • The answer to your question: “Why is my husband/boyfriend no longer affectionate or romantic?”
  • What to do when he gives you a lack of affection in your relationship.
  • Why he may still love you, even though he stopped showing it.
  • How to bring back the romance and affection in your relationship.
  • What it means when your man is NOT intimate with you.

What it means when you’re getting a lack of affection from your husband or boyfriend


You are having a relationship with a man, and for a long time, everything was great.

He was crazy about you – and you about him.

You couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Hugging, kissing, and being intimate – preferably as often as possible.

Fast forward to the present moment.

Now it couldn’t have been any less romantic.

If the beginning of the relationship was an oasis, you are now in a desert.

Hugging and kissing? Rarely happens anymore. When you subtly move next to him on the couch, he quickly moves away.

All in all, he rejects your initiative.

“But Tim, what should I do when he gives me a lack of affection?”

Of course, it is a bit confusing when the man with whom you are having a relationship suddenly goes cold on you, and doesn’t want to receive any affection, let alone give it.

So why is he becoming cold all of a sudden?

That’s what I’m going to reveal to you in this article.

I think that when I explain to you why he suddenly turn into a block of ice, you will know how to easily defrost him without it becoming a big deal.

Here are the 7 reasons why your husband is not affectionate or romantic anymore:

Reason 1: He has something he needs to deal with alone

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In the beginning of the relationship you mainly share nice experiences and positive things with each other.

You do fun things together, you watch movies, and you don’t reveal your bad habits or imperfections.

But when you get to know the other person better, the bad things in life will inevitably become a part of your relationship as well.

It could be anything from health issues, money problems, insecurities, or other problems from the past.

These already existed but were consciously avoided during the dating phase.

This is where most men retrieve inwards instead of talking about it.

You’d think that this behavior would stop when you are in a relationship with a man, and he would come to you when he had something that bothered him.

But unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Men deal with their problems differently than women. And instead of mentioning any of this to you and being open with you, he can suddenly just go cold and stop giving you affection.

This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, or doesn’t care about you.

Something might have happened that he needs to figure out, and he prefers to do that alone and then come to you when he has figured out the solution.

My advice:

Don’t take it personally. Show him that you love him, care about him and that you’re there for him, without putting any pressure.

Reason 2: He’s exhausted from work

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As a woman you might think:

“After a long day at work, I love to sit on the couch with him just to talk about work and colleagues. I don’t understand that he comes in, closes the door behind him, and immediately turns on the television. It’s very antisocial.”

And with that, you hit the nail on the head.

Most men are social, to some extent.

We like socializing, but at some point, we get enough of it for one day.

When your husband or boyfriend has been at work and continuously had to deal with colleagues, customers, or other people…

Then his social battery will be completely drained.

And when it is empty, his social skills are turned off.

He’s simply not in the mood.

“But I am not like that.”

No, and we know that.

You are a woman. It is normal that you need social contact and affection after a long day.

But he’s different, and what he needs is to just relax for a moment.

So if your man doesn’t want to cuddle, and is also very restless…

It could be that he has a ton of work to do right now that he hasn’t mentioned to you.

Just leave him be, or encourage him to do something relaxing for himself (like going to sit in the sauna in a local swimming house).

The point is that whether he wants to ride a quad bike through the woods, fix a car in the garage, or just flick through the sports channels. Just let him do his thing.

Reason 3: He wants to be affectionate but you’re beating him to it

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Look. Men like to be affectionate, but we sometimes also want to decide when that happens.

If you always cling on to him as soon as he comes home, or wants to lay on his chest when he lays down in bed… Then this will make him feel uncomfortable.

And of course it’s hard to get rejected when he doesn’t want to hug you.

But be careful about how you bring this up with him.

Avoid saying things like:

  • “I miss the way you used to be.”
  • “Why don’t you touch me as much?”
  • “Why are things different now than before?”

Do you want more affection from him? Mention this once – not twenty times. If you say it too often or too bluntly, then it will make him feel bad and think:

“Gosh, why is she nagging again that we don’t cuddle enough? She’s never happy.”

And as a result, he’s even less in the mood for romance.

Do you want him to become as crazy about you as he was at the beginning of your relationship, when he couldn’t keep his hands off you?

Then back for a bit and let him come to you.

Trust that he’ll come when he misses the warmth and the touch of his woman.

It is in his nature to want a challenge. If you’re always cuddling up close to him, he never gets the chance to be the one taking the initiative.

Reason 4: He doesn’t want to be seen as being under your thumb

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When men are amongst themselves they talk a lot of trash to each other. That’s how it is. We brag, tease and we do things together. That’s how we bond.

And of course the same is also true and important for your husband or boyfriend. But suppose that his guy friends tell him that he is under the thumb?


A man doesn’t like to hear that.

And that’s an understatement.

It is humiliating, and he believes his friends, (his pack) when they say this.

Each man likes to think he is a tiger, an alpha.

He wants to show that he has big teeth and sharp claws. That he is proud, fearless, and that he has a big tail.

So when his friends tell him: “Hey dude. You’re not the alpha in your relationship, your girlfriend is…”

He will feel humiliated and powerless

And as a result, he’ll behave differently to “become more of alpha in the relationship”.

So he’ll show his friends who’s boss by starting to pull away, distance himself, hug you less, become more silent, maybe even act out over minor things.

My advice:

Just play the game and treat him like a tough tiger and let him be.

He will eventually stop this and become his normal self again.

Reason 5: He’s tired of you

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This is always a tough pill to swallow.

But the truth sometimes hurts, and sometimes the reason for him not showing affection is simply that he’s tired of you and doesn’t like you anymore.

The worst thing you can do is to become more needy, clingy, and attention-seeking.

If he’s tired of you he might consider if he wants to be with you.

If I was to guess, chances are that your relationship has not been the most fun and exciting lately.

So here’s my advice:

  • Leave him alone and give him space.
  • Suggest doing something fun together, an activity that will bring back your romance with something he would love to do. Or better yet, do this as a surprise that comes out of nowhere.
  • Show him what an amazing woman he’s lucky to have by behaving like the relaxed, fun and kindhearted woman he fell for when you just started dating.

Reason 6: He is missing something in your sex life

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Talking about intimacy and affection, how are things in the bedroom?

Are you still doing your best for him like you did when you just started seeing each other?

If he isn’t showing you affection, it might be because your sex life has become boring and it’s something missing. According to researchers, that causes a lot of unhappiness.

What’s the solution?

Become an animal in the bedroom. Fulfill some of your sexual fantasies that you’ve been talking about.

Men are sometimes too shy (really) to admit it, but research shows that we get absolutely addicted to a woman with whom we have amazing sex.

And to make it easier for you, here you can read about the 17 things men want in bed but won’t ask for.

Reason 7: He has a fear of commitment

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Men might be bigger and stronger than women, but when our heart gets broken, it takes a lot longer for it to heal.

One of the reasons for him not giving you affection could be that he is afraid to get hurt, even if you’re married to him.

So he closes himself off first before you get a chance to.

Let me ask you this…

Does any of the following statements apply to him:

  • He has had a traumatic experience in the past.
  • He just came out of a terrible relationship.
  • He finds it difficult to trust people.
  • He is afraid that you will break his heart sooner or later.

Then it is possible that a fear of commitment is the cause of behind his lack of affection. 

Just relax, a man with such a past will sooner or later not be able to contain it and therefore start to behave differently.

If nothing dramatic has happened to him in the past, men still run the highest risk of getting a fear of commitment during the ages of:

1: Between the age of 35 and 40

He suddenly realizes that he will spend the rest of his life with one woman.

Although he really likes you, the thought of not being able to date anybody else will practically give him a heart attack.

He remembers how it felt to be single and to do what he wanted to do, all the time.

His life with you is completely different than when he was single. It has responsibilities. And this can make him start to have doubts.

2: After the age of 50

This is a nasty streak of nature, but the primal instinct of men is to bring as many healthy and strong children into the world as possible.

And once you are over 50 this becomes a lot harder.

His primal instinct may start to rumble a bit, causing some doubt to creep in.

Even when a man has doubts, just stay calm.

Almost every man goes through the two phases I mentioned. And if he loved you before this phase, he will also love you afterward.

The same goes for the more serious fear of commitment if he has had a bad experience happen to him.

This doesn’t mean you can just sit on the couch and read a book till he has figured it out. Giving him a nudge in the right direction can never hurt.

Here you find 11 simple tips to get the commitment-phobe to commit.

Now you know the reasons why your husband or boyfriend has not been so affectionate lately

And more importantly. Now you know what to do about it and how to best handle the situation.

I wish you the best of luck.



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