Micro cheating is a new relationship problem on the rise – not like we didn’t already have enough! As the name suggests, it is almost like a lesser version of cheating. You might not even class some of the things I am going to mention as cheating, but a lot of these things can still do a lot of damage to your relationship.
Social media mainly
influences micro cheating, and the access we have to meet and see other people
in this day and age.
Therefore, you need to
be clued up about micro cheating so you can check if you or your partner could
be doing it. The scary thing is that most of the time, you will not even
realize if you are.
So, I have written
this article to give you some insight into the world of micro cheating.
Throughout the
article, I will be speaking about the basis of micro cheating, as well as
giving you a self-assessment to see if you are unknowingly partaking it in.
Finally, I will be ending the article by sharing tips to recognize if your
partner is micro cheating on you and what you can do to move forward if it is
an issue.
So buckle up and be
prepared to soak up a lot of knowledge about the newest relationship problem.
Let’s start with the
basics. What is micro cheating?
Contents
Micro cheating can be plainly described as being similar to an emotional affair. It is rarely to do with sexual contact, however, it can gain momentum and form into that if not addressed early. The dating app Zoosk has defined micro cheating as, “A series of small actions that a person takes when they’re emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship. These actions may not be disloyal, but they’re not completely innocent either.”
Social media has a
large part to play in the problem. Anything as seemingly innocent as liking
other people’s photos on Instagram or messaging an ex-partner on Facebook can
be classed as micro cheating.
There are varying
degrees of micro cheating, so we are going to explore some of them.
Someone liking their
ex partner’s photos or posts on social media might seem innocent, especially if
you still remain friends. However, how people use social media can be classed
as micro cheating, depending on the type of intent they have while doing it.
For example, if you
like someone’s photos to get their attention or because you think they look
attractive, this can be classed as micro cheating. Similarly, it could be
entirely innocent to message someone you have had a history with to see how
they are and what they have been up to. But if you are messaging someone
because you miss them or you want to talk to them about the relationship you
had, this will most definitely be classed as micro-cheating.
The digital world is a
dangerous place for relationships, so to avoid micro cheating you need to make
sure that when you are online, you would feel happy for your partner to see
what you have been doing. However, we will touch on what to do and how to avoid
micro cheating later in the article.
Regularly visiting
someone’s profile can be dangerous…
As mentioned earlier,
when it comes to the usage of social media, it is all about intent. So if you
find yourself continually looking at your ex partner’s social media profiles,
is it really as innocent as you think?
It can be considered
micro cheating if you are looking at their profile with the intent of re-kindle
your connection with them, or if you are feeling jealous of their new partner
you can see posted all over their feed.
In addition to this,
if you deliberately like old content on that person’s profile, ask yourself
why. It is obviously because you want them to see it and get in contact with
you. Not only is this slightly creepy, but it’s not done with the right intent
at all.
All of the points
mentioned here can be classed as micro cheating.
Dating websites can be
dangerous players in the game.
Perhaps you have found
your relationship through a dating website – that is absolutely great, and
dating websites are amazing to find an extraordinary connection with others
that you might not have met or known previously.
However, the problem
occurs when people find themselves in relationships, but mysteriously can’t
seem to delete their profile on dating websites. If someone is in a
relationship and they are still actively using dating sites to look at other
people, this can, of course, be seen as micro cheating.
It can seem like there
are so many options out there on dating websites and perhaps people worry that
they could find someone better for them, so they continue to search, even when
they are in a relationship.
This can be really
concerning and ruin budding relationships.
Micro cheating isn’t
usually physical, but it could be in the real world.
Micro cheating is not
always done online, even though of course, this is the easiest way to micro
cheat without realizing it. It can potentially be a problem in the real world
too. In the real world, it is a lot more about your attention towards someone
and how you change yourself in relation to what you want to gain from the
interaction.
It is still very easy
to not realize you are doing anything wrong, but if you start reading the
points below and think, “Oh dear, I do that with…” that is not a good
sign.
Putting more effort
into your physical appearance because you know someone, in particular, will see
you…
For example, if
someone who is in a relationship goes to meet someone and puts a great deal of
effort (more than usual) into how they look, this could be a sign of micro
cheating. People might not even realize they are doing it, but a lot of people
do.
Perhaps they put on a
shorter shorts than usual to head to the gym because they have spotted someone
who takes their fancy and knows they might be there. This person is
intentionally, without realizing or not, thinking about someone other than
their partner to impress.
Withholding
information from your partner…
Another example of
micro cheating in the real world is someone withholding information from their
partner. For instance, if someone is heading out for drinks with a few
girlfriends, but there are some men there, and this person withholds this
information from their partner, this could be a cause for concern.
There is no reason to
lie about who you are with if you have nothing to hide. It could be because
they are feeling a slight connection with someone around them, and don’t want
their partner to clock on to that.
When you really think
about it, you are intentionally lying to your partner about what you are doing
or who you are with. Once you start lying or withholding the truth, this can
become normal and become a downward spiral to less communication with your
other half.
Making out that your
relationship is not as serious as it
is…
If someone makes out
that their relationship is less than it is to other people, this could be a
sign of micro cheating. If you are usually happy to speak about your
relationship but then suddenly decide to downplay it to someone, it could be
because you are unintentionally wanting to withhold the fact they are taken.
For example, someone
who has been in a relationship for a while might just say they are merely
‘dating’ when the truth is more like they cohabit with their partner engagement
is probably on the horizon any time soon.
In this situation, it
is crucial to think about how your partner would feel if you were making your
relationship out to be less serious than it is, and what is your intention in
doing so? Is it to look more available to this person?
Feeling the need to
have more attention given to you from someone other than your partner…
Of course, in a
certain respect, we all like a little bit of attention to be on us. It
naturally makes us feel special and valued. Normally, the longer we have been
in a relationship, the more comfortable we get, and as soon as the ‘honeymoon
phase’ comes to an end, a lot of people start to search for attention to
fulfill them elsewhere.
This usually isn’t a
problem, for example, if what happens is some innocent flirting at a bar with a
stranger that leaves you going back to your table giggling. However, that is
all innocent as long as you ensure that it goes no further than that.
The problem will come
about when someone who is not feeling emotionally fulfilled in their
relationship feels like they need to get attention from somewhere else. This
can leads to micro cheating in terms of flirting with people or a certain
person a lot. But it can also lead to physical cheating if it is not addressed
straight away.
Deleting texts or
saving someone’s number as a different name in your contacts…
If someone has to
delete texts, then it can imply that there is something or someone that they
have to hide from their partner. For example, if someone is sexting someone who
is not their partner, this can be when texts need to be deleted.
Firstly, it is
essential to acknowledge that if you are sexting someone else in the first
place, this is definitely classed as micro cheating – pretty serious micro
cheating at that. If you then have to delete the texts after, you probably will
know that you are intentionally doing something wrong and having to hide things
from your partner.
If someone has to go
to the lengths of saving someone’s number under a different or fake name in
their phone because they are trying to hide whoever it is that keeps ringing
them or texting them throughout the day, this is considered micro cheating.
However, this also sounds like that person could actually be falling into a
more serious emotional affair with someone. It’s a dangerous downward spiral if
this is the case.
On the topic of phones
and communication, if someone is sending nude or X-rated photos of themselves
to someone who is not their partner, this is definitely considered micro
cheating.
This is also most likely to happen in relationships where the sexual connection has slowed down or disappeared. Essentially, you are having a sexual relationship with someone other than your partner.
However, a lot of
people tend to think that because you are behind a screen and you’re not having
sexual intercourse with another person, it is made acceptable. It is not
acceptable.
Self-Assessment to see
if you are a micro cheater or if you have micro cheated in the past…
So, we have come to
the point in this article where it is time to see if you are guilty of micro
cheating or have been in the past.
Ask yourself these
questions below and try to answer completely honestly.
- Have you ever messaged someone on social media with the intent of getting romantic or sexual attention from them?
- Is there or has there been someone in your life that you have never mentioned when your partner has asked who you have been with?
- Have you ever compared your relationship to that of the one you could potentially have with someone else?
- Do you feel you need attention more from other people than that of your partners? Or is your partner’s attention less important to you than someone else’s?
- Have you ever made a conscious effort to dress in a more sexually appealing manner when you know that you are going to see someone in particular?
- Are you still actively searching for a better relationship than the one you are currently in?
- Do you think that the way you act in front of certain people might make your partner feel uncomfortable or that they might think someone was going on?
- Do you ever think about or have you ever sent texts with a sexual or romantic intention to someone other than your partner? Or have you ever sent a nude or X-rated photo of yourself to someone else?
If your answer was yes
to some of these questions, this could be a strong sign that you are or have
been at some point in your life, a micro cheater.
The next step you need
to take is not to punish yourself, even if you do feel slightly embarrassed or
unfaithful. You need to first forgive yourself for whatever actions you took
and think about the reasoning behind it.
To determine the
reason behind your micro cheating, you might find it useful to think about why
you micro cheated or have been micro cheating.
Are there problems in
your relationship that you need to work on or are you unsatisfied with the
attention you are receiving from your partner? If so, it’s time to address
them.
The important thing is
that once you have realized that you are micro cheating, or that you have done
in the past, you need to put a stop to it and make sure it doesn’t happen
again.
How you might be able
to tell if your partner is micro cheating on you…
The important thing to
know when you are trying to decide if your partner is micro cheating on you or
not is that it can be really hard to pick up on. Unlike physical cheating,
where you could perhaps spot your partner on a date with someone in the city or
catch them in bed with someone else, micro cheating is a lot less subtle.
1. Do you have a gut
feeling?
If you have a gut
feeling that your partner is micro cheating on you, it’s probably true. Now
that is probably not what you to want to hear, but our intuition is normally
extremely accurate and can be a good way to tell if your partner is not being
as faithful as they might like you to think they are.
However, gut feelings
can sometimes be wrong. So, if you pick up on something, it is a good idea to
investigate the situation first before accusing your partner of doing anything
wrong.
In terms of
investigating, you can do this by asking why they look so unusually great to
work on certain days, and if they blush or feel flustered, then you probably
have your answer. Likewise, if they respond straight away and tell you they
have an important business meeting, you can probably let this pass.
Other ways you could
try to find out some more information would be asking if they mind you coming
out with them on their next friendly night out, or if they meant to like a
photo of their ex on Instagram from 2016.
Firstly, it’s important to say that I am not encouraging you to stalk them on every social media platform they’ve had dating back to before you were together. However, if you have noticed that they are always liking one person’s posts in particular quite frequently, it wouldn’t hurt to have a look at said person’s profile.
If you start to see
that he likes and comments on a lot of photos, maybe try bringing it up with
him. Obviously, if it’s a mutual friend, you probably don’t need to be
concerned, but if it is someone he knows at work or through his guy friends,
check it out. It sounds and looks suspicious.
It is just as
important to look at who is liking and commenting on his photos or posts. If
you start to notice that someone sounds like they’re flirting with him on his
photo, ask him who she is.
However, social media
can be very dangerous, and it’s often difficult to tell what the intention is
behind a lot of people.
So, don’t take
everything you see on social media to be true and start accusing your partner
of cheating on you because a random girl (probably a spam account) commented
“sexy” on his photo.
3. Are they
withholding information with you?
An obvious sign that
your partner is micro cheating on you will be if they are withholding
information from you and being secretive.
For example, if
someone you know saw your partner with his friends talking to a group of women,
and when you ask him how his night was, he replies something like, “just a
quiet night with the boys…” you can most likely assume he has micro
cheated on you.
This is possibly a
good time to let him know that you know he is lying to you. You can then see
what his response is to being caught out. If he says that he forgot and
remembers now that they did get speaking to some women, then that’s probably a
good sign he hasn’t done anything too bad.
However, if he gets
flustered and denies it or gets angry with you, this is not a good sign, and
you have every right to be worried about his actions.
How to move forward
once you have realized that micro cheating could be present in your
relationship…
One or both of you
could be micro cheating without really recognizing it. However, when you do
recognize it, it is important to tackle the issue head on. It could actually
strengthen your relationship if handled correctly. Clear and honest
communication between both people in the relationship is vital.
If you are the one who
has been micro cheating…
Firstly, we are going
to tackle how to move forward if the problem is you.
If you think that you
have been guilty of micro cheating, the first thing to do is think about why
this has occurred for you. Perhaps you feel like you need more love and
affection in your relationship or that your partner is simply not giving you
enough attention.
It might be possible
that you are genuinely attracted to someone else and you feel like you need to
explore that before you can move forward with your relationship. You could
maybe ask your partner how he would feel about an open relationship.
Whatever the reason
might be that has led you to micro cheat, you need to think about it, conclude
why you feel this way and then discuss it with your partner. It might actually
turn out that he agrees that your relationship is having some issues, or
possibly he has even been micro cheating too, without realizing.
If you are both
guilty, this could actually create a stronger bond between the two of you
because you both want to tackle the issue head on and get your relationship
back on track.
If he is the one that
has been micro cheating…
You need to explain to
him how he is hurting you. If you don’t like the fact that he puts more effort
into his appearance for other women, let him know. As I mentioned previously,
he might not even realize that he is doing it.
Whatever is making you
unhappy needs to be expressed, so he can understand you. It could bring to the
surface some of the underlying issues in your relationship, which will then
allow you to move forward together.
If he really cares about you and your relationship together, he will stop micro cheating. This is the result you will be hoping for, and then you can start rebuilding your relationship together.
If he doesn’t change
his attitude and what he is doing, you can take this as a pretty clear sign
that he doesn’t want to change. My advice, in this case, is if he isn’t
listening to your feelings and is continuing to micro cheat on you, he might be
tempted to cheat on you physically, so its probably best for the relationship
to be stopped.
Conclusion
I really hope that
with the help of this article, you can now understand micro cheating and will
be able to tell if you are your partner are doing it. Micro cheating is
obviously a lot less severe than physically having an affair, but similar
feelings can be brought to the surface by it.
It is always best to
confront these issues, however innocent they seem. Otherwise, they could turn
in to more serious problems in the future.
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you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the
comments. We would love to hear from you.
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