But have no fear! With a little bit of work, dedication and some tips and tricks from yours truly, you can break-up proof your long distance relationship.
Here are my top tips for long distant relationships.
My Top Tips For Long Distance Relationships
Contents
1. You’re going to need to work harder
You guys know me, I hate sugar coating stuff. So I’m not going to lie and pretend that long distance relationships are easy. Long distance relationships are simply way more likely to fail than a traditional relationship.
I am not saying this to scare you, in fact I am saying this to motivate you. So many times we take our relationship for granted – even long distance ones and so we forget that sometimes, it takes work.
This means that you have to make your relationship a priority, even if it feels like a chore sometimes. If your relationship is truly worth it, you will be willing to put in the extra effort.
Remember that I believe firmly in the ability of a healthy romanic relationship to work wonders on your mental health. Healthy relationships can keep us motivated to reach our goals and gives us happiness and emotional support. It is for these reasons that I think it is absolutely worth it to try and make your long distance relationship work. That is, if you feel the person is truly worth your time.
2. Your timeline is messed up
With a long distance relationship, you have to remember that your timeline is not the same as it would be if you were in a local relationship. So if you’ve been dating long distance for a year, that’s not a real “year long relationship”.
The reason for this is because when you see each other in person as a long distance couple, it will feel like the BEST THING EVER. You guys will be over the moon to see each other, but this is not how a normal couple would act if they see each other regularly.
So why is this important?
This is something to keep in mind so that you can determine the appropriate time to hit certain milestones. For example, a ‘normal’ couple might consider moving in together after a year, but a long distance couple should probably consider this after a year and a half or two years.
Same goes for relocating or making other big decisions. Your timeline will need to move at a slower pace compared to a traditional relationship.
3. Have casual hang out time
This is probably my favourite and most important tips for long distance relationships.
The one major disadvantage to having a long distance relationship is that the conversations can get dull and start to feel like a chore. This is because long distance couples always need to be “on”.
During a Skype conversation or phone call, you have to be continuously chatting back and forth and you can get into really boring “so how was your day?” kind of talking.
Traditional/local couples don’t have to do this to spend time together. They can just cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or be in the same room while one is reading a book and the other is making dinner.
This allows the couple to bond but they don’t necessarily have to be “on” and talking to each other continuously – which can get exhausting.
When you’re in a long distance relationship, you should make an effort to have some casual hangout time that doesn’t involve talking back and forth. Watch a movie together while on Skype or have Skype running as you cook dinner.
This can take the pressure off and stop you from always having to think of something to say when really you just want a bit of quality time together instead of a full blown conversation.
4. Give each other surprises
The difficult thing about long distance relationships is that you can’t really do nice things for each other. So much of a couple’s bond relies on doing things that are nice. Like picking her up from work or grabbing him a glass of water.
Acts of service is one of the 5 main love languages and this can be a tough one to do while long distance, but it’s not impossible. Since other love languages like touch and even quality time are really difficult long distance, it is important to look at the love languages that you actually can do while apart.
Those little things are what really make a couple bond but it’s nearly impossible to do these things long distance. That is why it is so important to surprise each other.
This could be a handwritten letter in the mail or a gift that you send. Or you can send the person a funny joke or meme via email. You can plan a surprise vacation or even head over to where they live without telling them. This can backfire on you if you’re not sure of what you’re getting into though so take that advice with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, you know your relationship best and can figure out what your partner will truly enjoy.
In a nutshell, anything you do for the other person that makes them feel special is going to be a huge bonding experience for a long distance relationship.
5. Make time to see each other
Ok I know that you are probably doing the best you can with this one.
For this one, I’m just talking about those of you who think that seeing the other person is too expensive or you don’t have time. I mean, sure those are valid excuses but I personally feel that a loving romantic relationship is one of the best things you can have in life. It is one of the best things you can do for your mental health, general happiness levels and overall well-being.
It’s kind of hard to put a price on that isn’t it?
If you truly feel that this person is worth it and you really think they are a good catch, you should do everything in your power to make time to see that person as often as you can.
Meet in the middle. Fly to another location that is cheaper. Use your vacation days or sick time.
It is worth it if you really love this person and they really love you. It’s also a great way to see that the other person cares about you as much as you care about them.
6. Have an end date
You cannot be a long distance couple forever. One thing that will really help you get through all of this is having an end date. That way you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Having an end date will also help you in times of temptation or frustration. If all your friends are hanging out with their boyfriends or you’ve got a guy hitting on you at the club – knowing that it’s only “6 more months” will really help in these kinds of situations.
One thing to note here is that there’s nothing wrong with having temporary end dates. A lot of the time couples can get too caught up in making set plans that they never even begin to plan things unless everything is lining up perfectly.
I am a huge fan of having a goal in mind and then if things don’t work out, adjust that goal. The key here is to not make promises that you know you can’t keep and also to learn a key skill that you’ll need to have to carry on a long distance relationship: flexibility.
When a couple lives far away from each other, plans are going to fall through, change and need to be adjusted. You’re going to have to learn how to be easy going and flexible in order to accommodate plans that might change at a moment’s notice.
7. Keep up the intimacy
Long distance relationships are tough because it’s so easy to fall into the “pen pal” relationship and stray away from the hot passionate lover relationship.
You guys should be doing everything in your power to keep up intimacy while abroad. Even writing little romantic notes or sending flowers on Valentines day can send the message “I am your lover” and keep that top of mind in your partner.
One thing to note here that is very important is that when you are in a long distance relationship, you absolutely must use words to communicate how you feel about each other. Those of you familiar with the love languages know that “words of affirmation” is only one way to express love.
Expressing love through words is not everyone’s go-to but this is where a good healthy relationship can be totally destroyed when you make it long distance. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you absolutely MUST communicate to each other about how you feel. You cannot always do nice things for each other and you can pretty much never touch each other so hugs and kisses are out of the question. You have too communicate love through words. For most couples that is optional, for long distance couples it is not.
Saying “I love you” or “I miss you” more often than you normally would is essential for keeping up intimacy long distance.
Here are some other ideas for how you can bring in intimacy long distance:
- Romantic or flirty texts (click here for a free list of texts to download)
- Romantic letters, either hand written or sent via email
- Flowers or chocolate gifts delivered to their house
- Sexting, sexy video chats and photos (only with what you’re comfortable with)
- Watching romantic movies together
- Using words to describe how you feel.
Conclusion
Thanks for checking out my tips for long distance relationships. At the end of the day, a long distance relationship is hard work but it can be totally worth it if you have found the right person.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” so being apart can really make you appreciate each other and show you how much your lives are better when the other person is around.