Did you catch your boyfriend watching porn recently?
Are you confused as to why he would do that – or wondering what it means for your relationship?
Perhaps you’re wondering if it’s justifiable to be upset about this?
If so read on. The following guide explores the reasons why men watch porn, what it means for you and how you should react.
But, before we start, I want to share an important story with you.
Throughout my twenties, I was stuck in so many relationships where my man didn’t appear to care about me at all.
I was always fighting for his affection, and was constantly wondering if he really liked me.
Looking back, I had no idea how to make a lasting impression on men. In their mind, I was no different to every other moderately attractive woman.
However, this eventually changed…and it all started when I learned about a powerful aspect of a male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
This primal instinct has a huge impact on how men feel about their romantic partners.
By activating, you will often find that your man quickly becomes a lot more devoted and affectionate towards you.
Honestly, this simple psychological trigger did so much to make my relationships more loving, passionate and meaningful (read my personal story to learn more).
The crazy thing is: so few people seem to be aware of this. It’s a shame because this could strengthen so many relationships.
So, if you’re hoping to have the special man in your life show more affection, I’d highly recommend you learn more about how I discovered the power of the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.
In the meantime, the article below explains everything you need to know about your boyfriend’s pornogrpahy habit.
I’m just going to tell
you a quick disclaimer first of all. It is very common for men (and women) to
watch porn. In this article, we are going to explore some of the reasons why
men actually watch porn and explore the unknown and addictive qualities that
they are far too often unaware of. No one size fits all for whether or not you
should be upset, and it will be down to your interpretation and feelings. Being
clear and upfront about how you really feel helps shed light on topics that
your boyfriend may not even consider a problem or think will offend you.
Now that has been said,
let’s jump straight in.
Is porn acceptable to
watch in the first place?
Contents
A lot of men and women
watch porn. In the day and age that we all live in now, there seems to be less
hiding it and little to shame in it – it’s quite openly talked about and is no
longer something that is shied away from, but does that make it acceptable?
Clearly, a lot of people have differing views on this topic. It really depends on how open you are with your sexuality, hearing about other people’s sexuality and the kind of opinion you have towards more taboo industries.
Like a lot of things,
there can be a perception that if many people are doing something then it is
fine to do and there isn’t really a problem with it. This has happened with
porn and because so many guys do it, there is an assumption that there is
nothing wrong with it and it’s just a bit of fun – which it definitely can be,
but it’s always good to look into it deeper at the seemingly unknown consequences
of it. There can be some really dangerous side effects to watching porn too
much, and it is possible that it would mess up your expectations of sex in real
life. However, generally, porn is pretty much accepted by today’s society, even
if it isn’t talked about a lot.
Should you be upset?
So let’s begin with the
word should – should you be upset that your boyfriend is watching porn? There
is no one-size answer that will tell you if you should or you shouldn’t. At the
end of the day, if you feel upset then you feel upset and if you don’t, then
you don’t. There are no rules or laws that will tell you exactly how you should
feel when something like this happens, so always leave it up to your own
personal judgment and feelings whether or not you truly do feel upset or not.
You should allow
yourself to feel what you feel, and don’t let anyone else’s opinions dictate
exactly how you feel. You should never have to feel like you a covering or
hiding a feeling, especially within a secure relationship. If it does upset you
then this is important to look at. Having people tell you how you should feel
about a situation can be helpful – but the most important thing is that you
make up your own mind and stay connected to that, even if it’s not what others
are telling you to feel.
Now, there is absolutely
nothing wrong with feeling upset about this. If it is something that does upset
you and it is completely okay to be upset, even if your boyfriend is telling
you it is a meaningless thing that he does for fun and that he only wants to be
intimate with you. A lot of the time there will probably be an innocent
ignorance surrounding his actions and he will probably really not want to upset
you in any way. However, this is no reason that you should not feel upset about
it, and if you feel upset, then you have every right to.
Is it strange for you
not to feel upset by it? Once again, it’s completely fine to feel however you
do about it, and if it doesn’t bother you too much this is fine too. You might
watch porn yourself and realize that there are no emotions about it. If you
have spoken to your girlfriends about it and they tell you that they are upset
that their man watches porn, you shouldn’t feel like you have to agree. It can
actually be a good thing if you aren’t too concerned about it. It might even be
healthy to know that your man uses porn and self-pleasures. It might even turn
you on.
Are you worried your man
might be addicted to porn?
We are now going to have
a think about the actual issue here – pornography and the industry surrounded
by it. It is a multimillion-dollar industry, and will probably always be so.
However, porn is not only sometimes the least ethical thing for porn stars
involved, but it can also be something people become addicted to. Like
anything, there can be a healthy approach to it, but when addiction becomes a
part of the picture, it can be very determinantal to a relationship. It’s often
overlooked as being acceptable to watch porn, even a lot of it because it has
become normal and people openly talk about it. However, the negative
side-effects of watching porn are usually left unexplored. Porn gives us the
hit of physical pleasure. It is quick and easy, with little to no effort. It is
at your fingertips – whenever & wherever you want. It’s no surprise that it
is an incredibly addictive behavior – one that is often not addressed or taken
seriously. This is where porn can begin to really affect relationships.
One of the first questions to ask yourself is, is this affecting my relationship? If you are in a relationship and you notice that your boyfriend is watching porn, and it is affecting your sex life, then it is something that needs to be addressed. So much goes on subconsciously when watching porn that your man will most likely be simply unaware of. He will begin to associate that all sex is like that which he sees in pornographies – perfect bodies, great sex, and highly climactic scenes. It creates a hyper glorified image of perfect sex, and then through this conditioning, he will believe that’s what all sex should be like. Then when it comes to the real action in the bedroom, the high standards that are set in the perfectly produced porn studio are unable to be met, so your boyfriend will find it hard to be stimulated, which could quite easily leave you feeling upset. He might find it difficult to get aroused by you. Also, if he masturbates a lot, especially to porn, he might start finding it really hard to ejaculate, or it might take a really long time.
So what if it’s not affecting
your relationship? Your sex is still great, you have a healthy relationship and
things are continuing on as normal. Well that’s a good thing, right? Yes of
course it is, but the main point in question here is, do you feel upset by him
watching porn? It doesn’t matter how healthy or unhealthy his relationship is
with porn – if you are still feeling upset by it then it’s something that
should be addressed. Communicating how you feel with your boyfriend openly and
honestly, although it may be hard, can actually really help him as well.
Remember men don’t really understand the whole picture of what’s happening when
they are watching porn, they are just believing it’s a bit of fun with no
further consequences, so communication is key.
What are his intentions
when he watches porn?
Looking at the
intentions that your man has while he watches porn can be really important and
can help you to understand if you should be feeling upset or not. The majority
of the time, men really do not have any bad intentions while they are watching
porn. He is not doing it to hurt you, he is more than likely not even thinking
about you – he is just thinking purely about himself and doesn’t have too much
awareness on how it could upset you. He is doing something selfish and
personal. He might not even realize that you will find out about it. He is just
having some fun by himself, with no intention of hurting you. Perhaps he is
playing out certain fantasies through pornography that he is too scared or
embarrassed to share with you. He may feel embarrassed to share his secret
fantasies, especially if they seem a little bit too extreme. It’s easier for
him to fulfill that part of himself through porn, instead of being open &
honest about it with you. So, it might help if you start asking curiously about
what type of porn he is into and finding out what it is that he is getting from
there that he is not getting from you can actually help you begin to explore
those things together and take your relationships deeper.
Now let’s take a
slightly different angle on this, how would you feel if your boyfriend got
upset at you because you were watching Magic Mike or Fifty Shades of Grey? You
would probably feel quite confused because you know your intention is not to
dishonor him or ‘cheat’ on him – it’s just a bit of fun. This could be how he
feels regarding porn, he could view it as just being a bit of fun, but the real
concerns come up when it’s more of an addictive quality. You could imagine your
boyfriend would be upset at you if you went out and watched Magic Mike every
other day and then you never wanted to sleep with him. This holds some truth
when looking at his porn habits as well. If it is just an occasional
experience and it
doesn’t seem to be an addictive habit, then perhaps he is just doing it for a
bit of fun and a release.
On the flip side, do you
think that your partner might be watching porn with intention? Perhaps he is
not wanting to have sex with you, but he is wanting to make a point to you that
he’s still horny? Maybe he wants to punish you for something you’ve done? If
your boyfriend is watching porn with any kind of intention, then this is
probably not a good sign. Like I have mentioned several times, men watch porn
and enjoy it because they don’t think about it too much. If he is thinking
about it and putting some kind of intention behind it, this is abnormal
behavior and definitely needs to be spoken about.
How should you
communicate with him?
Communication is always paramount in situations like this and although it is something that may be seen as taboo to talk about, it is incredibly important that any feelings here are talked about in as open a way as possible. Going back to earlier in the article we can see that there can be a lot of innocent ignorance of what’s actually happening when he watches porn. The porn is setting unrealistic expectations for him which can lead to detrimental effects on your relationship and sex life. This is not something that’s talked about or really understood from a male perspective. They just believe they are watching something for fun and there are no additional consequences to their actions.
Now obviously just
telling your boyfriend what you think of him watching porn probably isn’t going
to affect what he does very much, and he might think that it’s none of your
business in the first place. Therefore, you need to make sure you speak to him
in an open and comfortable environment for him. You need to speak about the
fact that his watching porn makes you feel upset. Tell him how you really feel
and how you think what he’s doing is directly impacting your relationship.
This may come as a
surprise to him because in his mind he believes it is nothing serious and it’s
just a porn video every now and again, what could the damage be? His intention
is more than likely not to hurt you, he is just simply unaware of the effects
that it is having on you and your relationship. This is a really important
point to stress here, that he is genuinely not trying to hurt you nor make you
upset, he is just unaware of the effects it may be having on you or your sex
life. So, you shouldn’t lay too hard into him. Try not to come across like
you’re accusing him or blaming him for anything.
You mustn’t beat
yourself up over this or go crazy at him straight away. There is so much going
on unconsciously here that he could just be simply unaware of. Voicing how you
really feel and communicating honestly & openly will help you bring some
clarity to the situation. Understanding it’s probably not his intention to hurt
you can also help with your feelings. However, if this behavior goes on and it
is making you upset, it is definitely something that you are going to need to
revisit, and it might even be something that could easily break your
relationship.
Conclusion
Hopefully, this article
has really helped you to understand from a bigger perspective some of the
reasons why your boyfriend may be watching porn and whether or not you should
be upset. Always listen to your feelings about a situation and don’t be afraid
to share them. If you can share and clearly communicate your feelings with your
partner, it will really help you develop a strong relationship – even if at the
moment it feels like it’s challenging to express these feelings.
Did this article help
you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the
comments. We would love to hear from you.
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