Sometimes in a marriage, two people can enter into a life partnership with the best intentions at heart but sadly not realise they have very differing views n how they see the future. It is not uncommon in relationships for individuals to think that simply because they have a particular view of the future, their partner has exactly the same one.
In the main, couples either break up before getting married if they discover that their plans for the future materially diverge. However, sometimes some couples are not that lucky and might get a few years down the line never having had a conversation about whether both of them want kids or not.
If you have found that you have got married and are now sadly in a position where you have found out that the man you love does not want children, this is the article for you. We look at the tough truths to consider if you believe that your husband would never change his mind about having kids. We also look at how to figure out for certain if you think your husband might not want children as well as also addressing if your partner does not want get married.
What Do You Do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want Children?
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It can be a real surprise to women, who believe they have fallen in love with the man of their dreams and the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with, that their spouse does not want to have kids. But it is incredibly common as one of the biggest pitfalls that couples make is assuming what the other wants without making it clear from the outset.
Here, we look at what do to when your other half has said that he won’t want to have a baby and this has shocked you. It can be very tough when such a situation arises, but hopefully by approaching the problem head on by using the following tips, you and your other half will be able to work through your problems in a constructive and productive way.
Relationships do not always need to necessarily end automatically if one of you wants kids and the other does not.
Talk To Him
Perhaps the most important thing that any woman should do who thinks they would like children, but their partner does not is to talk to him. It could just be that your husband only sees you having children in a few years time as opposed to right now, and if that is the case, this could be a problem you can work out easily.
However, it could be that he might not want kids in his life at all. If this is the case for you, you need to sit down with him and talk to him as calmly as you can to see how you can work through your issues. Hopefully you will be able to resolve your problems together as you both love each other. Sadly, the might not always be the case, but without an open, honest, and frank conversation where you share your desire for kids you will never know.
Ask Yourself Some Hard Questions
If it transpires after your frank conversation with your husband that he definitely will never desire a child, and you would – you will have to ask yourself some pretty tough questions. They should be around what you want in the years to come without kids and how you will spend your time now that it looks like you won’t have children if you stay with your spouse.
As a consequence, you will have to imagine what your life will be like in years to come if it does not work out with your spouse and you don’t stay with him due to your need for kids. Or do you think his love is enough for you so that you won’t feel like you are going without at all?
When you have figured out the answers to these questions, let your spouse know how you are feeling and want you have thought long and hard about. If you tell him in a calm and level headed way, you may be able to move forward in an even more constructive way than you had previously thought. But never assume he knows how you are thinking because he won’t automatically know.
Find Other Ways To Channel Your Energy
If you have told your other half how you feel and as a couple you have decided to stay together without having children, you will need to ensure you channel your energy in other ways so that you remain happy. It is important to find some other meaning in your life that brings you the happiness and joy that you had hoped a baby would.
How Do I Know If My Husband Doesn’t Want A Baby?
Knowing whether your husband wants children or not can sometimes be a hard thing to figure out. Some of the most paternal of men may still not need babies in their future, while some more stereotypical macho males may hanker after a whole load of children and a big family. So how do you know if your spouse doesn’t want a baby?
Here are a few of the key ways to figure out if your husband is happy with things just as they are in your couple:
He Isn’t Interested In Friends’ Children
A big clue as to whether your husband is interested in having children with you or not is to see whether he likes to play with your friends’ children or he is happiest just leaving them to it. For, if he is happiest leaving them to it, it is a major indication that parenthood is not something that he really sees as for him.
While this is not the a hard and fast rule, in the main, a man who wants children are happy to muck about with them and wants to get involved with what they are doing. If your husband is a guy who will just leave children from other families to their own devices, then it could be that he does not wish for a baby right now.
He Makes Elaborate And Expensive Plans For The Future
It can be the case that men don’t require a baby soon, but may desire a family with you in the future. However, another way of realising whether your husband wants children with you at any point is to learn how he sees the future.
If he is forever making elaborate plans for you both – like moving country, going on lavish holidays or moving to a child unfriendly house. If, conversely, he seems to be making extremely conservative plans like squirrelling away money over the years, it could be that he may just not want kids in your marriage right now. In time, it could change.
He Has Told You Before That He Doesn’t Want A Family
While this may sound obvious, think about whether your husband has every told you whether he would like children or not. It can sometimes be the case that when we really want something, we close our eyes and ears to any evidence that will make it never transpire.
It is sadly so often the case that women who would like children have actually been told by the man they love, that they don’t want kids – but as a woman who craves a baby, it is possible for them to read the situation far more positively.
In cases like this, it is best to be realistic as opposed to optimistic. Consider your relationship with your husband in a very honest light – do you really think he will change his mind and try for kids in his life? If you think he might do, then that’s wonderful, but be prepared to realise some difficult home truths too.
What To Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Get Married?
This is a big precursor to asking the question, does my husband want children and what should I do if my husband doesn’t want a child. Because so many of us get married before we have children, even in our modern age. So what should you do if your partner doesn’t see marriage as part of your future, even though he says you are the one?
Have In Internal Discussion
One of the most important things you can do when faced with a relationship problem such as this is to first think about yourself and your priorities. You need to have a candid discussion with yourself about what you really yearn for from life and whether you can therefore be with someone that never wants to get married.
If, upon reflection, you are unsure as to whether it will make a material difference to you, then that’s great and you might well find that your relationship will more than stand the test of time without getting married. However, if for personal, practical or religious reasons, you still find that you want to get married then you need to make an action plan as to how to try to resolve the situation as best you can.
Ask Yourself Why You Want To Get Married
If, as part of your internal discussion, you confirmed to yourself and to your partner that you want to get married – ask yourself why. There are a number of reasons that people want to get married to the one they love these days. Some of these reasons can actually be overcome with a shift in perspective or a weighing up of what you really want.
For example, if you want to get married simply because all your friends are doing it, then is that a solid enough reason to ask for marriage from your partner in the first place. Particularly if he or she has very strong views on opposing marriage.
In short, be sure that your reasons for wanting to get married are serious and important enough for you that your relationship may end because of your differing wants.
Does It Materially Impact How You Feel About The Future?
Getting married is one of the most traditional and conventional things to do in our modern age. Yet, it is not required any more if you want to live with a partner or have children. It is a tradition that continues even when people are not religious or don’t believe in god.
Bearing the fact in mind that it is not a total necessity to get married to your partner to continue your relationship, ask yourself whether your need to get married is greater for you than your need to be with the one that you currently love. If it is, then you will have to take some tough decisions – probably sooner rather than later.
Will I Regret Not Having Children?
Children are a major driving force behind what a lot of people do. Yet, if you don’t have them at all, will you regret never starting a family? This can be a tough decision to make as being a mother or father can really only ever answer that question for sure. However, if you are wondering whether you do want children or not, there are a number of ideas you can run through your head to ensure as best you can whether you will regret not having children or not.
What Else Is There That You Want To Achieve
In the past, women had children as it was the one thing they were told by society that they had to do. However, this has largely changed for women (at least in the Western world) so if you are pondering whether you will regret not having children in your life, ask yourself what else there is you want to achieve.
The reason that this is a great question to pose to your inner consciousness is that children, though wonderful, can seriously impact your abilities to follow the career path you may have in mind, where you would like to live in future and many other basic day to day things.
This is because children are a huge drain on your time and resources. Their needs will always come before yours and therefore if there is something else you are just as happy to set about achieving other than a family, it could well be that you don’t regret not having children.
Is It A Compromise You Are Willing To Make
Not having children because your partner never wants them is a tough call to make. You should ask yourself whether it is a compromise that you are willing to take. Because, if it’s not then you may do more harm than good to your relationship when you side with your partner’s wants – and vice versa.
That compromise may bring about a huge feeling of resentment which is such a big negative emotion that it is hard for some relationships to withstand and prosper. So before you make any long term decisions with your partner, ask yourself whether this compromise is too big a compromise for you. If it is, then you will most likely regret not having children.
However, if you are willing to work past the compromise you made, and focus on other aspects of your relationship, marriage or life together, then you might not regret it at all. While kids are fantastic and life changing, it is still very possible to be happy without them.
When Your Husband Does Not Want Children – The Bottom Line
When a husband and his wife have opposing views on whether to have children or not, it can send shock waves through an otherwise stable relationship. It is not an easy problem to work through as it has such a material impact on both people in the marriage.
To be able to work your way through the issue, following the above advice can be a fantastic way for your both to come away from the experience feeling like all your needs have at least been addressed – if not met. It is important to start the difficult conversation surrounding having children as the more time that passes, the more difficult it is for both individuals.
Are you in a marriage where you want children but your husband doesn’t? Are you struggling to understand how your other half feels about starting a family? Or is it simply that your partner doesn’t want to get married and you are consequently even more worried about your chances of having kids?
If so, let us know by leaving your story and thoughts in the comments below. Sharing this article is also a good way to help friends or family members you fear to be in a position where they are wondering about whether they will be able to have kids in their life or not.
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