At some point in all
our lives, we will experience falling in love with a stranger. You will feel
entirely besotted by someone you don’t even know. It’s a strange phenomenon and
a terrifically beautiful one. It can happen to any of us, at any time.
It could be the
person who walks in every morning to work, smiles at you and you notice that
their eyes might stay on yours for just a little too long. It could be someone
studying across the library from you that you would love to take home, or it
could just be someone you feel a connection with on the subway.
We are drawn to these people, for an unknown reason. They are strangers that intrigue us and make us feel crazy about them. So, what should you do when fall in love with a stranger?
Hopefully, this
article can shed some light on what to do if you’re in this situation, and add
some reasons as to why we feel so strongly about people we don’t know.
Is it love or infatuation?
Contents
There is a vast difference
between being infatuated by someone and falling in love. So first, before you
run over to this stranger and see if they want to start something, it’s best to
figure out what it is that you’re feeling.
Both situations have
similar feelings attached to them, but their definitions, as found in the
Merriam-Webster dictionary, are very different. The definition of love is to
feel “a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion to another person.”
The feeling of infatuation is “a feeling of a foolish or obsessively
strong love for, admiration for, or interest in someone or
something.”
People can feel
infatuation towards others very quickly, and lust is a vital player in it. So,
if you’re feeling a strong sexual connection and you’re focused on the physical
aspects of this person, rather than their spirit and mind too, it’s time to
think.
You might want to rip
the other person’s clothes off as fast as possible, but ask yourself – do you
want to get to know this person and would you want to spend the rest of your
life with them? If the answer is no, then infatuation is most likely what you
are experiencing.
In the situation of
feeling like you’re falling in love with a stranger, it probably is
infatuation. This is because you most likely won’t have spoken to them for very
long, if at all. To be able to fall in love with someone entirely, you need to
want to get to know them better and envisage a future with this person. So,
unless you have concluded that you’re feeling a connection to the person as a
whole, not just their physical characteristics – what your experiencing is most
likely infatuation.
Now it’s important to
note that being infatuated with someone is still an excellent feeling, but it
can still be tough. You might feel a burning passion towards someone that you
can’t control. In this situation, because you don’t see the person as a
long-term option, I would strongly suggest trying to forget about it and move
on. This might be difficult, but it is the best option. It’s also important to
note that infatuation rarely lasts a long time, so don’t worry about feeling
obsessed about someone for too long – it will pass.
However, if you feel like you can’t control your lustful longing for them anymore and you feel the need to tell them about it, you may as well do it. I only suggest this because you will have made sure that you are not falling in love with them, so it is most likely that you won’t end up hurt by; however, they respond. If they agree and also feel lust towards you, then you are in a good situation – you make use of all your sexual tension, and when your passion for them is fulfilled, you can put the idea of them, to rest.
However, it is
imperative for me to tell you that if you are not one hundred per cent sure
about your emotions, it is best not to jump into bed with them, as you could
feel very hurt further down the line.
If you have come to the conclusion that it is love and not lust…
So you have come to
the definite conclusion that what you’re feeling towards this stranger is love.
Falling in love can feel confusing and tricky at the best of times, and this is
only amplified if you don’t even know the person you’re in love with.
Do you want to take a risk and try to take it further?
I’m sure if you’re
confident that you’re falling in love with this person, your answer is going to
be yes. If it’s no, we will deal with this a little later on in the article.
But while you’re reading, maybe ask yourself why you don’t want to take the
risk.
Talk to them.
If you’re ready to
leap into the risk and get to know this stranger, the first thing to do is the
next time you see them, make sure you speak to them. This could be a little
tricky if they’re someone you saw on the subway once, but as I spoke of
earlier, that kind of situation is most probably infatuation. The stranger you
are falling in love with will most likely be someone you see, but don’t know,
regularly.
So, the next time you
see them, speak with them. If you talk to each other, you will not only be
opening the start of a relationship between you both, but you will also be able
to find out the answers to some of your more prominent questions going
forward.
The most prominent of all the questions you are sure to be asking yourself will be, ‘Is he married or in a relationship?’
If you find out he’s
in a relationship or married, my strong advice is to back off. They are
unavailable. This isn’t even advice; it’s almost an order. Sorry ladies.You’re
in dangerous waters. If they are taken, you will feel hurt, of course, but you
should make sure you take a step back and focus on not falling further in love
with them. Not only do you not want to encourage anyone to become a cheat, but
you don’t want to be the reason for someone’s break up or relationship
problems. You’re better than that.
By taking a step back
and trying to fall out of love with him, you have to understand that you are
also being kind to yourself. Being in love with someone unavailable is heart
aching, and you don’t want to put yourself through the torment of it, trust me.
If you find out he’s
single, this is excellent news. You can start to get to know the person you are
falling in love with. You could maybe try and figure out if he’s interested in
you, or you could grab coffee together and see what happens from there. The
important thing is, you’re falling in love with this person, so you need to get
to know them, and of course, they need to get to know you if things are ever
going to progress.
Now, a couple of
things might happen, that you need to be prepared for, now that you are finally
getting to know the person.
The first one might be
that once you get to know him, you realise that he isn’t the idealistic man of
your dreams that you had conjured up in your head.
If when you get to
know him, the sparks aren’t flying for you, it’s probably best to just let it
be. This might feel disappointing that he wasn’t what you had thought, but you
need to accept it and move on. This is always the most significant part of falling
in love with strangers – until you speak to them, you never know if a genuine
connection will be there for you. But if it’s not, It wasn’t meant to be, and
that’s ok because the right person will come along for you.
The next thing that
might happen is that you are head over heels after speaking to him, and he is
everything you imagined, but you don’t think he feels the same.
Naturally, you should
be able to pick up on whether he is attracted to you or not. If you don’t think
he is, then (depending on how confident you are), you could be open with him
and say how you feel, or you could take a step back and focus on how you’re
going to deal with it if he’s not into you. If he says he’s not on the same
page or hasn’t made an effort while you’ve taken a step back, you are going
have to let it go. It’s crucial that you fully respect whatever this person
feelings are towards you and don’t force anything. If you find it hard to deal
with, you can see our article called ‘I Love Him, but He Doesn’t Love Me: What
Should I Do?’ for some advice on the matter.
The final thing that
could happen in the situation is the very best outcome you could hope for – he
is as amazing as you had imagined, and he reciprocates your feelings.
Of course, this is the
dream scenario for anyone who has ever fallen in love with a stranger. If this
happens to you, not only are you fortunate and hopefully, true love will
blossom for you both, but you can also commend yourself for taking the risk and
making a connection with him in the first place. You made a stranger into a
love, and that’s amazing.
What if you don’t want
to take the risk to make a connection with them? Why do we feel like that?
Answering the question
I proposed earlier – why do we not want to take the risk of speaking to the
stranger we feel so in love with?
This could be down to
a myriad of things, maybe you aren’t confident enough to put yourself out
there, or you’re scared of getting hurt. However, one of the main reasons a lot
of people don’t want to take a risk and go and speak to the stranger they’re
falling in love with is because in their mind it is perfect. In real life, the
stranger might be completely different, or he might be annoying to us. In our
imaginations, we can create any scenarios we like. So sometimes people don’t
want to ruin the perfect fantasy they have come up with, and the unknown is
intriguing to them.
This is perfectly fine
to do, as long as you understand that the relationship will never go any
further and you are ok with that. You can accept it for what it is.
However, if your
thoughts about this person feel like they’re becoming overwhelming or you’re
feeling increasingly more in love or obsessed with them – that is not healthy,
and I would recommend talking to someone about that.
What should we take
away from falling in love with a stranger?
Falling in love with
strangers is an odd phenomenon. But we know that the intrigue is exciting, and
the unknown is a thrill. If you act on your feelings, it can be amazing, it can
be a let-down, or it can plain and be understood in your mind as infatuation.
Whatever the conclusion that comes out from falling in love with a stranger, my
advice would be simply that you should embrace it.
Love is an experience,
and we are here to live through those experiences and for those experiences to
shape us. Strangers that we fall in love with are gifts, and being able to feel
love is the greatest emotion.
Conclusion
I hope I was able to
help you figure out what you should do if you feel like you have fallen in love
with a stranger. I have been through this before, as I think the majority of
people have, so I think it’s essential to be advised what steps you should take
going forward.
Did this article help
you to understand what you should do if you are falling in love with a
stranger?
If it did and you
liked what you read, please let us know in the comments and share it with
anyone you feel needs to see this.
If you have any
questions about what’s written, it would be great to hear from you.
And of course, if you
want to share any personal stories about your experiences with falling in love
with strangers and have any advice about what you did, please let us
know.
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