10 Things to Say to Your Cheating Husband

Do you suspect that your husband has been unfaithful, but have no way of proving it?

Do you feel the urge to scream, shout and curse until he admits his wrongdoing? 

Perhaps you feel stuck because you have no way of proving his infidelity? 

If this is how you feel, it’s time to take action and find out what is actually going on.

It’s no good for your marriage or your mental health to be in this situation. 

You need to discover the truth about what’s happening, so you can move on with your life, with or without your husband. 

Thankfully, there is an online tool that allows you to do this. A discreet online tracker which will reveal all you need to know about your husband’s behavior (click here to check it out).

Once you enter a few of his basic details, the tool will show who he’s been frequently communicating with online, any secret dating profiles he has, plus a ton of other information that’ll alert you to potentially shady behavior.

If your husband has been cheating, it’s likely to become immediately obvious. 

The article below offers some advice on what to say to your husband if it turns out he has been unfaithful.  

1. You need to tell
him how this has made you feel. 

Of course, they need
to know how they have made you feel. It wouldn’t be fair to act like they
haven’t done anything wrong. They have been unfaithful to you and the sacred
bond of marriage that you shared between you. They have ruined the trust that
you have in them.

So, the first thing to
say is that like I said above, it is not a good idea to shout and get angry.
This will most likely only lead to a massive argument, which won’t be
beneficial for either of you.

Whatever you want to
say to them, start by saying, “I feel…”. It’s a calm but powerful way to tell
them how they have made you feel. It doesn’t spark any anger in them; it just
merely lets them know how you feel. Be completely honest too – this is your
time to tell them precisely what they have done to you.

Not only will they not
have any grounds to start an argument with you, but because they care for you,
this will hit them. It will hit them hard that you feel like you do, and they
know they’re to blame.

This is undoubtedly
more powerful than screaming and shouting.

2. Ask him why he
cheated.

It might help to start
the conversation with, “I want to understand why…”. This will make him feel a
little more at ease to be open with you.

Another way to make sure he feels open is to speak to him in a mutually safe and secure place. You need to show him that you genuinely want to listen to him and his reasons for cheating, so he will appreciate it if he feels like you’re physically in a space that he feels safe.

Now I know it might
sound like my advice is really biased towards making him feel comfortable, and
that is understandably the last thing you want to do, but it’s the only way you
will get the conversation and answers you are looking for. Please don’t think
I’m saying that you need to be overly kind to him. What he has done is wrong
and has hurt you to no end, but you can still make him realize that without him
shutting down to you.

I’m not going to sugar
coat it, this might be the most painful conversation you have ever had, but it
is necessary. You need to know why he had to stray from your relationship. It
might help you to understand the severity of the situation.

There can be many reasons
that people cheat, so it would be useful to pin down the reason for his
unfaithfulness before making any rash decisions.

3. Ask him how he
felt, knowing that he would be hurting you.

This can be a helpful
question to bring up, which will basically show you if he is a lying deceitful
person who you should give up on, or if he genuinely made a mistake and you
could maybe work through this with him.

A lot of the time,
cheaters cheat because they think they will never get caught. Then, once they
are caught, they will say things like, “I never meant to hurt you” but what
they actually mean is that they didn’t mean for you to find out, therefore you
wouldn’t be hurt by it.

As this man is your
husband, you will surely be able to tell if he is genuinely torn up by it, or
if he would have probably continued the affair if you didn’t find out.

In addition to this,
it all depends on the situation in which you found out about the cheating and
the severity of unfaithfulness. For example, if he was unfaithful with another
woman once, and he told you about it straight away, this probably shows that he
wanted to own up to his actions straight away and be honest with you.

However, if you caught
him having an affair, which you later might realize has been going on for some
time, you need to ask yourself if you think he would have ever told you if you
had not caught him.

4. Ask him every
detail you want to know and tell him what you don’t.

Firstly, to be able to ask your husband this question, you need to have decided with yourself first what you want to know, and which details you definitely don’t. When people find out their spouse is cheating, their first instincts are to ask all the details.

When I say all the
details, I mean everything. A lot of women feel enraged and find themselves
asking all the questions, especially intimate ones. If you feel like you need
to know how many times your husband slept with this woman or where they did it,
and it helps you, then that is entirely up to you.

However, other people
might not want all of those details. Admittedly, it’s bad enough knowing that
your husband was unfaithful to you – you don’t need to understand how their sex
life was together.

It’s important to say
that if you ask your partner for all the intimate details of his affair, not
only will this make you feel uncomfortable, but it will also create an image in
your brain leading to anger and resentment.

So, make sure you go
into the conversation knowing your boundaries concerning this. Tell your
husband clearly what you want to know and what you don’t, to ensure that he
doesn’t trigger you into anger.

5. Ask him if he will
end the affair.

It might be shocking
to know that not all affairs stop when they are caught. So, this is definitely
something you need to broach with him, and his answer will significantly differ
depending on what type of relationship he has with this other woman.

Although there can be
many types of cheating, for this point, we are going to focus on two examples.

The first is a sexual
fling. This type of cheating can be shut down very quickly because there wasn’t
any feeling attached in the first place. Therefore, if your husband had a
one-time hook up with someone, you can probably be rest assured he will not do
this again.

The second type is an
emotional and sexual affair. If this is the nature of your husband’s affair, it
will be much harder for him to end it. He has an emotional attachment to this
woman, so if he says he will end it, you might have to delve a little deeper.
You could ask him how he is going to break it to her or how he will get over
it. Of course, you couldn’t care less about their relationship together ending,
but you have to ask these questions to see if he is truthful.

It is also beneficial
to ask this question before you have given him an answer as to what you are
going to do moving forward. Therefore you will probably get the most honest
answer. Your husband is most likely to tell you that you’re the only woman for
him, that he loves you and you only and that he will never see her again. But
you have to be able to see the truth in his words.

6. Ask him if he is
willing to put in work to fix what he has broken.

The majority of the
time, when a cheater gets caught, they will beg for their wife to stay with
them, and they will claim that they will change and turn into better people.
However, this is not always the case moving forward. A lot of what they say
when caught can be unfulfilled promises.

A lot of the time,
cheaters can feel like once their spouse has decided to take them back, they
have got a get out of jail free card. They won’t change, and they won’t try to
better themselves and their relationship. So, it is vital that you still don’t
show your partner your plans moving forward. You need to see if they actually
will make good of their promises.

You need to make them
aware that it will take a long time to heal the relationship, progress between
the two of you will not happen overnight. So, are they willing to spend this
much time and dedication to get your relationship back on track?

7. Ask him what he
think went wrong between you, which lead him to cheat.

This point can seem
similar to point number two. In some respects, it can be quite similar. You
still want to understand why he felt like he needed to stray from you.

However, this point
asks him directly what he thinks was/is wrong with your relationship. It might
also be beneficial to ask him when he felt your relationship started to break
down. If he can pinpoint a specific event or time, you can think back to it and
see what was happening.

When he answers, it
might be useful to ask some follow-up questions such as, “Why did you feel like
you couldn’t talk to me at the time?” or “Why did you feel like you had to go
and cheat to solve what was happening?”

For example, in a lot
of cases, husbands decide to cheat in instances such as pregnancy or after
childbirth. They choose to cheat because they feel it might be easier to direct
their sexual attention elsewhere than to weigh you down with their issues,
especially if they can tell that you are not feeling up to it.

If you decide to work
through this problem together and stay with him, it is vital to pinpoint what
the issue was that caused him to cheat, or when he started to lose interest in
your relationship. This way, when you go to marriage counseling or therapy
together, you can straight away tell the professional when everything started
to fall apart. It might make for quicker progress.

8. Ask him if you
think he will do it again.

There is a big difference
between a serial cheater, and someone cheated once. So, you need to think about
your husband. So first, you can probably think about this question by yourself
before you ask him.

Has he ever cheated
before, in previous relationships? If so, this is probably not a good sign. Or
is this simply the first time he (in your knowledge) has ever been unfaithful?

You need to make sure
that when you ask him this question, he answers with honesty. Reassure him that
you just need to know the truth, it’s not about him trying to beg for you back
anymore.

Even if he has said
that he will end his current affair, you need to make sure that his head is not
going to be turned again. You will most likely be able to tell if his response
to this question is genuine, so go with what your gut instinct is telling you.

9. Ask him why he
thinks you should stay.

This question allows
him to tell you everything that he thinks you want to hear. You need to make
sure he knows that you haven’t made any decisions yet, and you will not be
swayed massively by whatever he says now. Tell him that you don’t want to hear
sweet nothings and promises that will be broken, you want to listen to the
honest reasons that he thinks you should stay with him.

It’s important to note
that whatever he says, should not make you feel guilty. For example, if he
thinks you should stay with him because of the children you share, or that you
will be breaking your family’s heart by ending things, this is entirely
irrelevant. The problem that has occurred is between the two of you. It has
nothing to do with outside influences.

 Also, he was the
one that has broken the trust in the relationship between you, and he is
ultimately to blame for this.

Keep up the strong
will you have mastered so artfully throughout this conversation, and don’t fall
back into his arms because he promises you the world. Whatever he says needs to
be realistic.

10. Ask
yourself. 

After you have had the
conversation with your husband about all these things, it is important to turn
to yourself.

Ask yourself how you
feel after speaking with him and finding out all the details. It can take time
to decide how to move forward, especially if you have outside factors such as
children together. It is your right to take your time in coming to a decision.

You need to love and
support yourself at this time to make sure you are making the best decision for
you. In the end, whatever your choice might be, you will be doing precisely the
right thing for you, and that is important.

FAQs

Conclusion

I really hope that
this article helped you if you are trying to work out what to say to your
cheating husband. Although what you are going through right now is dreadful,
once you have spoken to him and gauged how he feels about what he did, you will
be more informed to make the correct decision for you.

Whatever decision you
decide to come to, just remember that you deserve to be in a loving
relationship full of trust and happiness.

Did this article help
you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the
comments. We would love to hear from you.