So you caught yourself a boyfriend, and when you guys were getting to know each other, he seemed adorably attentive. And he made you feel like he likes you, a lot. And it was cute because when have you last been paid attention to like that? Whatever attention you want, you get. And that made you feel great.
But now you guys have been dating a few months, and the attention doesn’t seem to be fading – like at all. In fact, it’s probably gotten worse since you committed. And now you can’t even do something like go to the store …or maybe even the bathroom by yourself. And now you’ve decided that: You have a clingy boyfriend. And it’s getting on your nerves.
Clingy Isn’t Always A Sign Of Deep Affection.
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So now you’re at a crossroads in your new relationship. You don’t want to make him think you don’t love every second spent with him, and you don’t want to say the wrong thing to your partner about his clinginess. But it’s starting to affect you in a personal way. It could make you feel trapped, or maybe you just want to spend a little bit of time by yourself.
And it’s not like you don’t love him, after all the first few weeks or even months were great right? But alone time is important, and everyone has to have that time when they aren’t having to worry about someone else’s priorities first. You still need time for yourself, to do things you need to do, pursue your dreams and aspirations, or even just meditate.
But then his feelings are hurt, and you feel guilty about wanting to spend time alone or with the girls. That my friend is not the right kind of clingy in a partner. In fact, it’s a rather toxic situation. And you should not feel obligated to spend every waking second worried about how he would feel if you went to the store without him
What Does Clingy Look Like?
1. Texts and calls… one hundred million times a day
It’s amazing when your boyfriend texts you good morning or sends you beautiful texts. And only one or two of those is needed. But when you wake up to 5 or 10…. And then when you respond and you’re on the way to work, and all the way through work he has called and texted you (even though he knows your break isn’t until a certain time) about 20 times. That’s not good.
And then you have the “Why aren’t you answering me? :(“ texts, and the guilt-trip texts and the “you must be talking to someone else, you haven’t answered me texts” when he literally has only been waiting for a few moments for an answer. That is 100% clingy boyfriend material, and not in a good way. This is a problem, and it is not out of love that he is acting this way. It’s pure insecurity and control issues.
2. You don’t have any personal time – even when it needs to be!
Does he insist on walking you to the bathroom in public places? Does he sit outside the bathroom waiting for you at home? Does he cut into your time when you are doing homework or regular work? Does he make you feel guilty for taking the time to do the things you need to get done, like cleaning or taking care of yourself?
Somethings just might need to be done, and not everything is a two-person job. If you find yourself making excuses to your partner about how much faster or easier it would be for you just do the things you’ve always had to do before he came into your life without his presence, this is the full extent of a clingy boyfriend. If you are finding a way to do this so that you don’t have to spend so much time with the person you’re supposed to love – you might be in a toxic situation.
3. Constant reassurance against insecurity
Does your clingy boyfriend say the words: “I love you” much more than normal? Does he ask you if you love him? Does he make you promise that you love him? Do you get into arguments over men that are literally a figment of his imagination?
Two words sister: Clingy boyfriend.
4. He is always in your face demanding attention
My most recent ex took clingy to a new level. As much as you might love him, if he is preventing you from following your dreams, or making a career, cutting into personal time with your children, or family, and all the while saying you don’t spend enough time with him: Your partner might have deep-rooted issues that could possibly escalate into a toxic situation.
When you are literally giving every spare second of time to him, even when you have other things you need to want to do, and he still isn’t satisfied then it could be time to put your foot down and get some clearly defined boundaries going.
5. You are feeling suffocated and trapped
It is not normal to feel like your partner is smothering you. If you feel just trapped by his never-ending need for attention, then it’s not a healthy relationship. Everyone has moments when they want or need some space. That is normal, and if you’re starting to get annoyed, or anxiety, or that boxed in feeling when your partner messages you or comes over, then you have to say something, and make your needs clear. Or soon you won’t have a relationship at all.
6. Insecurity and jealousy
Then there is the type of clinginess that is the absolute worst and the most toxic. Insecurity and jealousy, and over-possessiveness from your partner are not healthy. If he can’t trust you, then why would you want to be in a relationship in the first place? You should not feel guilty because you want time with the girls or just on your own. Nor should you have to worry about what your partner might think or say when you do take time for yourself. If you have to defend yourself or get into an argument every time you just wanted to take a drive, then your partner is just not the right kind of clingy.
Taking time to get away from your partner should not make you have a panic attack or stress, In fact, it should not cause any issues at all because he should also be taking the time to his own personal space too.
What Does Clingy Mean?
7. A toxic mindset
Sometimes being clingy means that your partner may have a toxic mindset about his relationship with you. Sometimes when a partner is too clingy and they make your life harder, it doesn’t even mean they just miss you when they are gone, sometimes it means that they are simply controlling.
Being too clingy to your partner sometimes is just an emotionally manipulative way for them to keep an eye on you, and control what they want out of the relationship for their needs. And believe it or not, it’s a huge gateway for emotional abuse. No one should feel guilty about needing some space for themselves.
8. No respect for your needs or boundaries
When a partner is too clingy, and they don’t act understanding when you say something, then it means that they don’t have a healthy respect for your boundaries or personal needs. Also sometimes it takes some getting used to being in a new relationship – and if it starts off clingy it will probably get worse for you until you put your foot down.
This lack of respect for your personal space or boundaries is a problem. And the first thing you need to do is establish very clearly what you need. If they have a problem with it, then they need to show respect and compromise with you. That is how a relationship survives after all – with both people working on their needs and meeting each other halfway.
9. They need to work on themselves
I could preach for days to people about how before they jump into a relationship (especially if one just ended) they first need to take time to evaluate themselves, and their readiness for that kind of commitment. However, as most people do, they could ignore me on the advice.
A relationship is a big step, and if you have been recently burned or hurt by someone you loved, it’s possible you have an outlook that could cause some toxic clinginess. It’s okay to be afraid at first, or insecure. So long as you actively work on it so that you do not impair your next relationship with your insecurities and jealousies.
It’s important to know whether or not you’re going to be codependent, jealous, or difficult to deal with. You can’t expect your partner to give up their friends or time that they have always taken for themselves just because you have a need for attention. This behavior is not healthy for you, or your lover. And it can actually hurt the other person more than you know.
10. To much cling-on can be the end of a relationship
And then there is just that moment where it all becomes too much. If you are literally thinking about breaking up with your guy because of clingy behavior, it means that you have either not established your boundaries or needs clearly, or he just has not listened to you.
On one hand, you may love him and want to continue your relationship because obviously he cares about you,. But if you are beginning to be affected negatively in your own mental space, or if you are having emotional backlash from his incessant need for attention, then it’s not a good relationship, to begin with.
Telling your partner that you can’t talk at the moment, or you can’t come over or just need time alone should not cause any anxiety, depression, stress, or arguments.
How Do You Fix It?
1. Communication
Be open, be honest. Have a talk with your partner, and tell them how they are making you feel. Sometimes, it could just be that they did not notice how clingy they were being. A good conversation about the need for personal time should absolutely solve the problem. And there definitely should not be an argument either.
2. Be firm with your need for personal space
If you have communicated your need for personal space and the problem persists, then you need to be firm. Don’t just give in or feel guilty because they expressed hurt feelings. You need to take care of yourself, and you need time for yourself for all the things you wanted and needed to do before he ever came into the picture in the first place.
Don’t allow yourself to feel suffocated by your partner, because it will build up resentment. And once resentments build in a relationship they are really hard to get rid of.
3. Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that when you are in the bath, that bath is your time and your time only. Don’t be afraid to tell them that you like to go for a long walk on Sunday by yourself to unwind from the week. Don’t be afraid to tell him that when you put in your earphones at the gym, you’re not checking your phone for that full hour until you’re done.
Boundaries are the healthiest stipulations in relationships. And if you do not place them, you won’t be happy – because no matter how much you love each other, every single person on this ea
FAQs
A clingy boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who is insecure and puts that insecurity before your comfort and personal space needs. While being insecure in a relationship can be fixed, and clinginess can be changed, it also can be a sign of a toxic relationship.
This is situational. If you both are clingy and you enjoy being around each other and it doesn’t affect your mental state then that’s okay. However, if you find yourself being irritated, needing alone time, or feeling suffocated you should speak up to your partner about you need some space.
In a nutshell, clingy in a relationship is usually a sign of an unhealthiness. Having boundaries and time without each other is imperative to a healthy and happy relationship. Insecurity, codependency, or the need to be paid attention to constantly is a sign of a clingy person who needs to work on themselves a little more, before going into a relationship.
A clingy person is usually a codependent or insecure person, who does not let you have personal space or insists on being right there all the time. They also have outbursts if you do not answer calls or texts in time, and may think the worst of you – even if they know you are somewhere like at work or the grocery store.
Insecurity is usually the reason why men become clingy. By being oppressive with his presence helps keep things under control, by keeping an eye on you and to make sure you’re not doing something he wouldn’t approve of. This usually happens when a man has been cheated on by another female.
We want to hear your stories, and if the relationship ended up getting better or ending. And don’t forget to share with your friends who you might be concerned about. Thanks for reading everyone, and many blessings to you all.
And If All Else Fails It Might Be Time To Be Single Again: Conclusion
A lot of relationships experts will be wary to tell you if it’s time to end it. But if you’re one of my regular readers, you know I am not one of them. If you have communicated your needs, expressed the boundaries you are most comfortable with, and they continue to still make you feel guilty or anxious about spending time without them – then it’s time to walk away. Toxic relationships are dangerous, and sometimes clingy boyfriends are just energy vampires.
Because here is the ugly truth to clinginess: sometimes it’s just being controlling in a deceptive form. And if you taking time for yourself constantly creates problems constantly then it’s not a relationship, it’s an oppression. So unless your situation is different and it’s not causing problems in the relationship, then it can be fixed. However, for the most part, an overly clingy boyfriend is not a good thing.
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