The first thing to say is that if you have searched for the answer to this question and you are reading this article – it’s time to move on, and you know that within yourself. However, a lot of the time we will decide to hang onto a relationship, even when we know it’s not going to get any better and we would be much happier if we just let go of it. It’s hard to let a relationship go and admit defeat. It’s also scary to lose someone that has been such a big part of your life for a significant amount of time.
You will most likely find yourself questioning whether it is time to let go. If you’re finding yourself muddled up and all confused if you should move on, this article is going to tell you how you will know that it’s time to surrender. We are going to look at some of the signs it’s time to get out of a relationship that’s not working out and isn’t going to get better with time, meaning its time to let go. In addition to this, I will share a few tips on how to deal with your emotions after letting go.
So, let’s jump straight in and answer the question – when is it time to let go of a relationship?
1. You Keep Hanging On To The Idea That Your Partner Will Change
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If you’re in a relationship where the love has fizzled out due to your partner’s behavior or actions, you might be staying in it because you are hanging on to the idea that your partner will change. People can definitely change their behaviors, and so maybe your partner really will sort themselves out. However, when you have spoken to your partner about their behavior time and time again and nothing is improving between you, you have a problem. If you have been hoping they will change for a prolonged period of time and yet you have seen no improvements, then it is probably time to stop hanging on to this idea they will miraculously turn into a perfect partner.
Also, in a successful partnership of any kind, you shouldn’t expect someone to change, you should accept them and love them for who they are. If you can’t accept and love your man for the person he is, then you aren’t in the right relationship for you and it is time to let go. When you leave and move on, both you and your partner will benefit – you will both be able to find someone that you don’t want to change and who doesn’t want to change you.
On a more serious note, if you are in an abusive relationship and your partner is abusive (mentally or physically towards you) it can be extremely detrimental to keep thinking that your partner will change. In this situation, you need to understand that they are not going to change, and you don’t deserve to be in that kind of relationship. Getting out of abusive relationships can be especially difficult, so it might require you seeking the help of a therapist or a specialist in abusive relationships when it’s time to move on.
2. There’s No Physical Intimacy Anymore
Every couple is different when it comes to physical intimacy – some couples will have sex every day, and constantly want to be physically intimate, whereas others are happy with a lot less physical intimacy. Very rarely, people can even have successful relationships with physical intimacy not playing a part at all.
Physical intimacy often slows down a lot between couples when the honeymoon stage of the relationship comes to an end (around 1 year after beginning the relationship). However, if your sex life has completely stopped and has been inactive for a prolonged period of time, then it might signal that the spark between you that you once had has burned out. But, it is not only about sex – when was the last time your partner cuddled you or kissed you?
You shouldn’t have to be in a relationship where your physical needs aren’t being met, and if you’re becoming sexually frustrated, this will make you feel even more stressed, adding to the already negative feeling in the relationship. The majority of romantic relationships need physical intimacy to keep loving energy flowing between both people, so if you haven’t been intimate with your partner in a long time, it might be time to move on.
3. Your Partner Isn’t Making Effort Anymore
To keep a relationship alive, it is vital that you both continue to make an effort with each other, even if you have been together for a long time. Of course, both you and your partner might have made more of an effort with each other when you were just starting to get to know each other – this is normal because you’re trying to impress each other and share the best aspects of yourself with your new love interest. Once you have been together for a while, the effort that you make might decrease slightly, but it shouldn’t stop.
Most couples still make time for each other, even after they have been together for a while. For example, most couples will go on a date night once a week, schedule weekends away or buy each other small gifts every so often as a token of their love. If you notice that your partner doesn’t make an effort at all with you anymore, and you simply feel cast aside, this isn’t normal and it is certainly not acceptable for you to feel like that. You are in a partnership with this person so you can not only love them and appreciate them for the person they are, but also so you can have someone by your side that makes you feel special, and who lifts you up.
However, you need to take a good look at yourself too – are you making enough effort with your partner? If you realize that you’re not, then maybe try to make an effort with them. If you then realize that they aren’t responding to the effort your making, maybe they simply don’t regard the relationship as one of the most important things in their life.
If you feel like you are already making more of an effort than your partner, then there might be an imbalance. You deserve someone that makes the same amount of effort as you do, and you should be with someone that wants to make you happy.
4. You Have Completely Different Life Goals and Values
Sometimes, you might be totally in love and feel like you’re in the best relationship ever, but then you realize that the person your with has completely different goals in life to you. It is incredibly painful if this is the case – you might have felt you had found the one, and now a spanner has been thrown in the works. Don’t get me wrong, you can still have an immensely successful relationship with someone that has different goals in life to you, and it is actually nice to have difference present in a relationship. However, it can be really difficult if your partner has polar opposite life goals and values completely different things to you.
For example, if having children is a no-brainer for you, but your partner is completely opposed to ever having a child, this will cause a problem. Or, if you are set on pushing your career forward and your partner expects you to become a housewife, this is an issue. We all have different values in life and set ourselves different goals, so the examples might be irrelevant – but you see what I’m getting at. If you stay with this person, you might not be able to live out the life that you envision yourself having.
You need to be true to yourself and stick to what you want to do – someone will come along that appreciates your ambitions, goals, and values and might even have similar ones. You need to move on from this relationship, as it is only holding you back from what you want for yourself. It is also holding your partner back from living the life they want to. You will feel when it’s time to move on with this kind of person. When it is, cut your ties with each other and you will both find someone right for you.
5. The Relationship Is Getting Worse
If your relationship is getting progressively worse, it is most likely time to move on. You should move on before it gets really bad – save yourself and your partner the pain. You may have been hoping that things will get better between the two of you, or that magically your love will come back, but in fact, it is just getting worse every day, it is time to move on. A relationship should never make you feel more pain than joy, and if it is, get out!
Of course, all relationships go through difficult times, but they also go through amazing, happy times. You need to ask yourself – when was the last time you felt truly happy in your relationship? Is the relationship progressing in a positive way? If you can’t remember a time when you felt happy within your relationship or if your relationship is only moving in a negative direction – let go. It’s much healthier and a lot easier to let go of a relationship before it gets nasty – maybe the two of you can even part as friends.
6. You Are Living In The Past
When you ask yourself, “should I move on?” do you find yourself thinking about the happy memories that happened in the past? If so, you could be living through past experiences in your relationship. Obviously it’s always nice to think about the beautiful memories you have shared with your partner and the fun you have had in the past, but if things haven’t been so great recently, you could fall into the trap of not leaving your relationship and moving on because you are living through good times in the past.
When was the last time you think your relationship was in a good place? If you know you’re going to have to think of a time that is a while back, this isn’t a good sign. You can’t stay in a relationship that used to be successful – it has to be good now too. Just because a relationship used to bring you joy, doesn’t mean you should stay in a relationship that is currently making you unhappy. When to move on? Now.
7. Your Partner Has Been Unfaithful
This is a difficult one because it really depends on the specific situation, and every relationship is unique. How many times has your partner been unfaithful to you? Have they had a full-blown affair or have they slept with someone else once? When it comes to dealing with cheating, you’re the only person who can decide what you’re going to stand for.
Typically, if your partner has been unfaithful to you many times, they probably just have a cheater’s complex – they are never going to stop cheating, even if they promise they will change. In this case, you should decide to move on. If you’re wanting a committed and monogamous relationship, you need to be with a partner that feels the same and is committed to you only.
If your partner has been unfaithful to you once, you might be wondering if letting go of them is the right thing to do. This decision is completely up to you. I know of relationships that have survived one-time cheating, and that have actually become stronger and better because of it. I also know of relationships that have crumbled or blown up after one partner has attempted to accept the fact their partner was unfaithful. Everyone makes mistakes, but cheating is a big mistake and you have to understand that your partner was willing to put your relationship at risk and break your heart just to be physically intimate with someone else.
I would never recommend staying with a cheater, especially if they never show any remorse for their actions. You deserve someone that is going to faithful to you because they love you and value your relationship above anything else.
How To Handle Emotions When You Have Decided It’s Time to Move On
When you have decided it’s time to move on, it will hurt. Even if you know leaving this relationship is the best thing for you, when it comes to finishing the relationship, it’s hard. It’s upsetting when relationships don’t work out – but it’s also when we figure out what we really want from them. You need to know that you will start to feel better pretty quickly if the relationship really wasn’t working. Check out the tips on how to get over your ex below and you will be back on track and feel better in no time:
Let Yourself Feel
Just because you weren’t in a happy relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t feel upset about it. You need to allow yourself to really feel whatever you feel. When your feelings are coming through, don’t try and block any of them – you need to feel everything fully in order for the grieving process of a break-up to truly work.
Get Immersed In Something Else
After any kind of breakup, it’s always a good idea to keep yourself busy. You can immerse yourself in anything that keeps your mind away from thinking about your ex – going to the gym (get that revenge body), increase your work hours, take up a new hobby, hang out with the friends, treat yourself to a trip somewhere you like.
Ignore Him
When you break up with someone, they will inevitably try and speak to you a lot. They might even try and get you back by telling you that they will change. Never listen to someone you have just broken up with. It’s vital that after the breakup has happened, you ignore him and create space between the two of you. After you have both got all those breakup feelings out the way, you might want to reconnect as friends if you feel like you can like each other platonically – but I wouldn’t recommend it.
Love Yourself
When you have gone through a breakup, and just come out of an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, it’s crucial that you show yourself some love. Look after yourself the way that you would look after a friend going through a breakup. If you’re unsure how to love yourself, learn. Work hard to love yourself if you have to, and work on yourself mentally and physically. After a breakup is the best time to start work on yourself. Read self-love and self-help books, spend time getting to know how you really are and what you really want. Treat yourself like the way you would want a romantic partner to treat you.
Get Back Out There
It might take some time for you to feel ready to get back out there on the dating scene, but you have to at some point. After all of this work on yourself, you will know what you want, what you like and what you’re looking for. You will never settle for a man that will treat you less than perfect in your eyes. So, when you’re ready, you can walk onto the dating scene with your head held high – you will never make the same mistake of being in an unhappy relationship again.
Conclusion
I really hope that this article helped you figure out how to know when to let go of a relationship that isn’t working for you. If it is time to move on from your relationship, I wish you all the best of luck, send you courage and I know you will find the right man for you. Applaud yourself for leaving a relationship you didn’t like, and moving onto bigger and better things.
Did you like this article? Did it help you in any way? If it did, please let us know in the comments.
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