5 Things To Say To Your Boyfriend When He Cheats On You

Do you suspect that your boyfriend has cheated on you? 

Are you preparing to confront him, but have no idea how you’re going to do it? 

Perhaps you are so overwhelmed with emotion that you feel powerless to do anything. 

If so, the best thing to do is gather as much information as you can to prove he has been cheating.

It’s no good confronting a cheater without proof of his wrongdoing.

In this situation, he’ll endlessly deny all accusations and you’ll have no way to know that he’s lying.

This only serves to create an argument that you can’t win. 

Thankfully, there is an online tool available that can gather all the evidence needed to catch a cheater red-handed (click here to check it out). 

This powerful yet discreet background checker reveals a wealth of information about who he’s been frequently contacting and the applications used to do so.  

If he’s been having secret conversations behind your back, you’ll know about it. 

It’s in your best interests to discover what your partner has been doing behind your back. This tool makes it possible. 

It’s a quick and easy process, which only needs a few details about your partner in order to work. 

For further assistance, we’ve written a guide on what to say to your boyfriend when you suspect has been cheating.  

“You Hurt Me”

Throughout all of history as we know it, women have stood aside and let their husbands, boyfriends, and partners have affairs without making a peep. Women were told that they should take the blame on themselves if their man had been having affairs it was only because he wasn’t being fulfilled at home. The women had to take it upon themselves to fix their broken relationship by changing their own behavior, putting less pressure on their man and being all-around much less demanding of them. However, this isn’t the case anymore. Women aren’t expected to be quiet in the face of hurt and you don’t need to take the blame for his mistakes. If you’ve ever been cheated on, know it was never your fault. 

It’s so important to be
honest with yourself and your boyfriend when you learn that he’s cheated. It’s
easy to decide to live in denial in order to keep your relationship intact but
this will never be the right option or the healthy choice. You can’t bottle up
your feelings forever. 

Being cheated on will leave you feeling insecure, unloved and disrespected. When you find out that the man you had devoted yourself to has been intimate and personal with someone else, it’s okay and completely reasonable to feel incredibly hurt. Sometimes that hurt doesn’t even come from the affair itself, it comes from the betrayal of trust and the lies that follow. Whatever it is that hurt you, it’s essential that you tell him. Do not let him get away without understanding that he crossed a line and broke your heart. Sometimes a person has to be told before they realize the damage they’ve done. 

Tell him you need to
talk to him about how you feel and that you just want him to listen and
understand where you’re at now. You don’t want a discussion or an argument, you
just want to be respected enough for him to come to terms with the fact that
he’s hurt you. It’s healthy to let your feelings out. Remember, if you never
say anything, nothing will ever change. 

“What Really Happened?”

This one isn’t for
everyone, but everyone should consider it. Some of us genuinely believe in a
“blissfully unaware” kind of lifestyle and that’s okay, as long as you can live
peacefully with that forever. The window for asking questions about an affair
or cheating is pretty small, after a little while, you’re going to have to let
it go and either declare the relationship over or move on from the drama and
hurt and start a fresh new chapter together. Studies show that when the full
details are revealed, the couple is more likely to stay together
successfully. 

Like the majority of
people, it’s likely you’ll feel a need to know all the details, even the
unpleasant and painful ones. Without all of the details, it’s normal to start
filling in the gaps yourself and when we let our imaginations run free we tend
to come up with ideas much worse than the reality. If you’re the type to
overthink and get carried away, it’s probably best to tear off the band-aid
quick and get all your facts straight. 

It’s possible that he
won’t want to share the sordid details, maybe through fear of hurting you
further, or possibly due to his own shame and embarrassment. Whatever his reasons,
try your best to show him how important it is to you to know the truth. Explain
that the only way you can move on is if the truth is set free and there are no
more secrets between you. If he doesn’t want to tell, remember that you hold
the high ground. If you want the whole truth, do not settle for anything less,
he owes you peace of mind. 

This great video will
give you some tips on how to motivate your boyfriend to talk about the harder
details of his indiscretion.

The most important thing you need to know is if the cheating was emotional as well as physical. Did he sleep with a stranger one night, or was he falling in love with another woman? If he can’t promise that feelings weren’t involved, then your future together is looking bleak. Maybe his cheating only went as far as a kiss, you need to know how deep the intimacy got in order to have a realistic view of the cheating and judge where you might consider the line to have been crossed. For some, this starts at flirting, for others it’s not a problem until sex is involved. These parts are going to be difficult to hear, but they need to be out in the open. 

Some other information about the circumstances that led to him cheating could also be valuable to you in order to create a full, correct picture of what went down. You might want to consider asking him where he met this person and when. You need to know how long this has gone on, and though it may be painful, you ought to find out if this is the first time he’s cheated, for better or worse. Some people would like to know where he and the other woman would spend time together to avoid the hurt of finding out down the line that he’s been taking you to the same places. Similarly, you might have questions about particular days, such as anniversaries or birthdays. These questions are all reasonable things to be wondering, but you should avoid asking questions like “Was she better than me?” – those will never go well.

Watch this informative
video for a few more tips on how to ask questions, and which ones to avoid!

“Did This Happen Because Something Is Missing?”

When you learn your
boyfriend has cheated, whether it was through his own admission or an
accidental heart-breaking discovery, your mind naturally will start to race
with thoughts of what you might have done wrong to cause him to seek intimacy
or romance elsewhere. The first and most important thing to remind yourself of
at this moment is that nothing you did or did not do caused him to cheat. A
good, loyal man would communicate any problems he has, not seek solace in the
arms of another woman as a means of escaping your troubles. It doesn’t matter
how strained your relationship has gotten, a decent gentleman would choose to
talk to you or let you go before moving onto someone else. 

With that said, even if
you know your own rights from wrongs, he may not. He may genuinely have chosen
to stray because he was unhappy and although that is often an unforgivable
action to take, you may choose to talk it out and resolve these issues so you
can consider staying together. 

Typically, cheating
occurs because the cheater is getting something they feel has been missing in
their relationship. In some cases, this might be excitement that they’re
missing. Some people aren’t ready to commit to a real relationship and crave
the freedom and lust that comes with being a single guy on the prowl, these
types of cheaters tend to have one night stands and probably aren’t going to
change easily. If your boyfriend has told you that he cheated because he was
bored and distracted, or doesn’t feel that there’s any excitement in your
relationship, you should ask him if he would rather be single and consider
letting him go – it’ll be better for you both in the long run. In instances
where your boyfriend has had a full-blown relationship alongside your own, it’s
likely that he felt he was missing something emotionally and instead of
communicating it to you, he made the weaker choice to find it elsewhere. 

If you think you can
resolve these issues between you, maybe through your own strong communication
or even by seeking help from a couples therapist, then you should also consider
the spark in your relationship and whether it’s still burning after
learning of his betrayal. It some cases, it might be that his cheating came as
a result of the spark having faded long ago. Look deep inside yourselves and
ask if you can bring it back, and if you want to. If you are still devoted to
each other and you’re willing to forgive his indiscretions then you should be
able to work through these issues to rebuild your relationship. It will most
likely take a lot of work and more time than you’d like but don’t rush it or
force yourself to pretend it’s all okay and in the past if you’re still feeling
hurt. You could even consider some time apart to rekindle the flame and show
him what he would be missing if you weren’t so forgiving. It’s never a bad idea
to remind him what it would be like without you, so he can value your presence
more and understand what life would be like if he lost you for good. 

Take a look at this
beautifully emotional video where a heartbroken girl finally gets to ask her
cheating ex why he did it. 

“What Are You Going To Do To Regain My Trust?”

Make sure you don’t put
the responsibility of repairing the relationship too much on yourself. You can
work together to solve the problems you had before his cheating came to light,
such as the loss of a spark, arguing or not being supportive enough of each
other, but fixing the damage done by the cheating itself should be entirely on him.
He has to prove himself worthy of your trust and respect again. It’s completely
normal to find yourself feeling uneasy and insecure about your relationship and
his feelings for you after he’s cheated on you. You’ll be wondering what he’s
doing when he goes out in the evenings and when he’s spending time on his
phone. You’ll possibly be insecure in your own appearance too, wondering if the
other woman was more attractive and whether or not you’re attractive enough.
Cheating is rarely, if ever, based on attraction. He won’t have strayed because
he found someone better looking. His reasons will either be much deeper than
that, or much shallower. 

The first thing to
remember when it comes to regaining trust is that it cannot be brought back by
allowing you to check his phone, social media or even emails. It’s true that
these things shouldn’t be secret from you, but you also shouldn’t need to be
checking. In a healthy, happy relationship, you should both have your privacy,
but not secrecy. You shouldn’t need to invade his private world in order to
know you can trust him. Trust is built emotionally, and when you trust your
boyfriend you’ll see that you don’t need to delve into his devices because you
just believe that there is nothing there to see. 

Your boyfriend also
can’t rebuild trust by showering you with gifts and extravagant displays of
affection – as nice as that might be. In fact, a cheating man is more likely to
be trying to balance out his sense of guilt by spending money and
over-compensating by being extra loving. The only real way he can build trust
and return to a romantic place with you is through honesty, openness and
time. 

“It’s Over.”

Sometimes, the damage
has been done and the cut has been too deep to heal. Every woman deserves to
feel safe, respected and adored in their relationship and cheating can destroy
all the chances of feeling any of this in the future. 

Don’t allow yourself to
feel any guilt, even if he’s apologetic and wants to make it work. It can be
impossible to get past a betrayal by someone you loved so deeply, and it can be
difficult to let go of the images in your mind of him being intimate with
someone else. Sometimes, no matter how much love there still is between you and
how sorry he is, you just can’t get past cheating. 

It’ll be better for you
both in the long run to say goodbye. 

FAQs

Conclusion

I hope this list could
be of some help to you in such a difficult time and if you liked it, let us
know! 

When it comes to
cheating, everyone’s experience is personal and different. All sorts of factors
can affect how hurt you feel and how quickly you forgive, if ever at all. You
can’t let anyone else dictate how you should react, your relationship is your
own. It is so important to use communication and honesty to navigate your way
through this tricky time, if your choices are based on this, you’ll never
wonder if you made the wrong choice.