There are many different types of love, romantic love, parental love, sibling love, it is the glue that holds us all together and makes life worth living.
Love is also about being loved so receiving love and giving it back. Love is deemed by everyone to be one of the most important things in life and so happiness is hugely linked to being both loved and the lover.
But what are the actual reasons why love is so powerful and important to human life, we take a look at some of the most fundamental.
1. The Love Drug
Contents
Love is
powerful, as strong as medication in its effect on the human brain. Scientists have monitored the effect of love
on the brain patterns of smitten individuals using imagery of their loved
one. The results showed that the part of
the brain which responds is the same area as that which reacts to powerful drug
addiction. One of the co-authors of the
study, Arthur Aron PhD who is a psychologist at
the State University of New York reports that “…you start to crave the
person you’re in love with like a drug.”
How did that old song go by Roxy Music, ‘Love is the Drug’? And there are many many more in that genre.
Aron has
been researching the effects of love on the human brain for around three
decades. Love stimulates the brain in
exactly the same way as powerful painkillers or drugs like cocaine. But there is a lot of interesting interrelationship
between the feelings of love and the feelings of pain. This is because love and cocaine target the
same ‘feel-good’ chemical in the brain called dopamine and this is also highly
influential in the management of pain.
So love really does hurt!
Studies have
revealed that intense feelings of love, most commonly associated with the early
stages of a relationship – usually the first nine months – can also diminish
feelings of pain by up to 50%. Described
as love induced analgesia, this pain management is more focused on the reward
centre in the brain which mimics how opiate-based painkillers work, at a deep
spinal level.
Opioid
addiction is repetitive so the brain tells the body that this is good, it is a
reward and you really need to keep doing it, exactly the intense feelings of
obsession and desire which are evident in the heady days of fledgeling love
affairs.
2. Primitive Rising
Love and
the need to be loved is a very basic and primal human instinct. Add to this the evolutionary wiring which
insists that we look for a mate in order to multiply and survive and you have
something deeply elemental, hard-wired into the human psyche.
The area of the brain which creates the intense addictive feelings of overwhelming passion and desire is known as ‘the pleasure centre’ and is also inextricably linked to man’s basic instinct to survive. It works on the simple premise of that we recognise when something feels good and we want to repeat it so satisfying hunger, becoming warm after being cold, the pleasure and enjoyment of sex.
Romantic
love and pair bonding is a universal feature of nearly 90% of cultures in the
world so found researchers at the University of Nevada. The chemicals, dopamine and Phenylethylamine
or PEA which increase in density when we encounter love with another are linked
to man’s earliest evolutionary desire to pair bond.
The
strongest instinct in man is said to be to survive, closely followed by a drive
to protect those he cares about. Survival, especially in the young or helpless,
is usually based on the ability to form a protective bond with another,
commonly a parent. That desire to shield
and protect and for the young to seek it remains present in humans through into
adult life where even the middle-aged will still seek comfort and moral support
form a parent in times of crisis.
The
chemical-induced pleasure that our brain creates during early love is so mashed
up with our basic instinct to protect, survive and multiply, all hugely
important to the human condition, but it is important to distinguish sex from
love.
3. Endless Love
Love
remains critically important throughout human existence but it changes from
those early, heady days of passion and almost drug-induced intensity to
something more enduring and long-lasting.
Love is powerful because it transforms and evolves throughout the course of relationships and the journey of human life. Early passionate love cannot last at that frenetic level of desire and intensity. It gives way to a more solid and durable state which can cement a relationship between two people together throughout the slings and arrows of life’s difficulties.
Love
develops from the early passion and desire between two people into a more
unified force which may then extend through the arrival of children, into familial
love, a shared love for a child or children which also creates a further bond
between the couple. In this context,
love become multi-faceted and can manifest itself in myriad different ways
making it one of the most diverse and complex of human emotions. It can be as in your face as the biggest of
grand gestures or as subtle and meaningful as a glance across a room or a smile
or the touch of a hand. With real deep
and meaningful love, so often less is most definitely more.
4. Sacrificial Love
As the
Bible so eloquently puts it, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay
down his life for his friends.” [John 15:13].
Laying your life down for another is often thought of in a romantic or
even familial context but what about the examples of comradeship and
self-sacrifice in the two World Wars?
The
shortened quotation, “Greater love hath no man than this” is frequently found
at war memorials up and down the country, particularly to commemorate the Great
War of 1914-1918. The meaning of the
verse seems self-evident but in fact, there is a slightly different context to
the language as highlighted by Dr Michael Snape, Reader in War, Religion and
Society at the University of Birmingham.
Dr Snapes
states that Jesus is actually speaking about himself and his ultimate sacrifice
of dying on the cross for the whole of mankind.
Moreover, there is a wider resonance for those who lay down their lives
for their faith and that was why the verse was so popularly used. It was to offer comfort to grieving families
that their loved ones had lived and died for a higher cause and that their
ultimate sacrifice was not in vain. This
backdrop would have been totally understood at the time by a society which was
far more religious than the one we live in today.
At the
distance now of a century, these words have altered in their meaning, to
reflect the heroic acts of self-sacrifice of which the two World Wars are
littered. Call it immense bravery or
call it the love of humankind, it is an example of the most powerful and
deepest of loves that are not based on a physical attraction between the
opposite sexes.
5. Labyrinthine Love
Love is
powerful because it can morph into different states, transform itself into
alternative shapes so rather like a virus, it can adapt and adjust to survive. But hopefully, nicer than a virus!
The
frenetic and intense love of early relationships will subside, usually after an
average of a year, into something that becomes less hectic and obsessive but
yet deeper and in some ways, even more powerful. Think of that love progressing on the journey
of a relationship and then, after some time, children arrive, hopefully
cementing the bond even further and introducing a new type of love, familial
love. This early love has begun as a
seed germinating and grown from one vigorous shoot into the branches of a
complex and established tree. It is
strong because the trunk is broad and the branches are wide and high.
Love that can develop and metamorphoses is the strongest and most powerful because of its variety and extent. Love is clever, it knows that romantic love will burn out and is not sustainable over time. The early almost drug-inducing cravings reduce as time passes and longevity in the relationship usually produces a feeling of security and strength. This is when worries over breakups and other insecurities often fade away.
This is one
of the reasons why love is so difficult to define, it is because it is
constantly changing. Most people can
give tangible examples of love but they struggle to actually define it in a few
words. Hence, the reason why the word,
‘love’ is used out of context and abused too.
‘I love chocolate’ is not in quite the same league as a 25-year marriage
although ironically, there might be some common ground in the addictive effects
which chocolate can also have on the human brain.
6. Love is Life
All our
lives as human beings, love is never far from us. Hopefully, we begin our journey conceived in
love. We are nurtured through parental
love before growing up and finding our own romantic love and life partner or
maybe multiple partners. We may then
create our own family so experiencing parental love as the caregiver and
nurturer and thus the cycle endlessly perpetuates itself. We still have the enduring love of our
parents whilst they remain alive and other family members such as siblings and
grandparents. Love is at every turn.
The
proliferation of online dating sites indicates that those who are minus love in
a romantic context feel hard done by and lonely. It seems that parental and sibling love and
even the love of friends is not enough.
The quest to find that one life partner, ‘the special one’ shows there
are gradations of love and this one appears to be the most valuable. Immortalised in poetry, prose, songs and
other media such as television and film, the journey to that one true love is
as important now as it has ever been.
True love,
romantic love, real love, call it what you will is definitely the ultimate
prize. And it is from this premier love,
this optimal emotion, this love to end all loves, that everything else cascades
down as it is this love which begets human life and propagates the human race
giving rise to sibling love, parental love and more distant family love. It is the spring of life and therein lies its
inherent power and importance.
7. Love is not Guaranteed
Love is not
guaranteed, it doesn’t come with a hallmark of quality, integrity and its
longevity if only it did. The innate
insecurity of love, rather perversely, is what makes it so desirable and the
subject of such focus and this is one of the reasons why it is so powerful. Not
every fairytale encounter leads to a happy ending sadly.
Taking
something for granted can devalue its importance in our life, we all do it and
it is only when it is denied us or taken away that we really appreciate the
true value of what we had. Take our
health as one example, unappreciated probably until it is challenged or
something as simple as a good job or a lovely home and especially, a
relationship.
In the
early days of a new relationship, passionate love is insecure, not certain, not
guaranteed. There is always that wonder,
that question, does he or she feel the same way about me and, to the same
degree? That’s the problem with
addictive feelings (and substances). We
are out of control to some degree and want a guarantee that we can have our
next fix. But those initial romantic
feelings are vulnerable and delicate, intense and compelling but never
guaranteed.
When
something is not a dead cert in our lives, when we know we can’t take it for
granted, human nature is thus that it evaluates the importance of that
commodity; often its value becomes directly related to its availability. Something that is an ultimate to us as human
beings but is not guaranteed is attributed a worth beyond all worths. And there is something to be said for the
scarcity value of real true love.
8. Same Sex Love
Same sex
love is hugely powerful because it has been fought for and hard-won in
different societies where acceptance and tolerance have been a long slow
battle.
Some might
say same sex love is even more powerful and important because it has had to
undergo resistance, intolerance and even physical and verbal abuse throughout
its passage to a more visible presence in society. Being persecuted in one form or another seems
to have made the prize even more worthy and coveted.
It is a perversity
of human nature that if something is illicit or illegal or even just frowned
upon, it is somehow more attractive and sought after than if it were
transparent and accepted. Same sex love
has enjoyed something of this cachet which has imbued it with a power and
significance which ironically might wane a little now that there are more openness
and tolerance.
The picture
is becoming more complete as same sex couples are now allowed to adopt and are
recognised legally as ‘parents’ so sharing the same branches on the love tree
as heterosexual couples. The fight for
acceptance will transition into a more solid and open family love rather like
that enjoyed by other members of society.
9. Scarcity Value
Real true
and enduring love is rare, isn’t it?
Many people spend their entire lives on a quest for it. It is the one thing money can’t buy and sadly
some people never do seem to stumble upon it whereas others manage to locate
the source of the holy grail and have long happy and loving relationships.
Anything
that is rare and beautiful will always have mysticism and lure, like the
visible lustre of an imperial Faberge Easter egg. It is human instinct to want to reach out for
the unattainable but it is important to be careful not to muddle up wanting a
particular person with wanting the actual status and condition of love itself. The more desirable that person as well, the
more people say how amazing he or she is, the more the kudos increases.
It is well
known in business and retail studies that scarcity functions like an obstacle
which makes the pursuit of that particular goal or end product even more
desirable. Think Chanel or other
designer brands. Does the fact that
real, true love is not as common as would like to think it is mean that we crave
it more just for this very fact?
It is a
well-known selling device by retailers to create a perception of scarcity in
order to drive up sales. Using the
phrase ‘limited edition’ or implying that something is a special purchase or of
a limited supply also seeks to pique customer interest and buying power. Equally, offering eye-watering discounts is
something many people feel they cannot miss out on even though they may not
really want or need that item.
Real love
is a scarce commodity and so its value and power and importance is seriously
highlighted by this fact.
10. And Last But Not Least…
Love is
part of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Maslow’s hierarchy is a motivational psychological theory comprising a
five-tier model of essential human needs depicted as a colourful pyramid. This was Abraham Maslow’s view of what humans
require to grown and finally meet what he describes as, ‘self-actualization’ so
leading a fulfilling and complete existence, achieving the destiny of one’s own
potential. Abraham Maslow was an
American psychologist who died in 1970.
His theory was unveiled in a paper published in 1943 called, “A Theory
of Human Motivation”.
The shape
of the triangle clearly depicts the layering up of basic human needs starting
with the physical or as Maslow describes it, the ‘physiological’ so oxygen,
food and water. Safety is next followed
by love and belonging. Esteem follows
love with the apex of the pyramid being self-actualisation which Maslow defines
as, “what a man can be, he must be.”
Maslow’s
love recognises something beyond pure sex and the need to reproduce. It embraces familial love and love for
animals and also objects so it is love in the fullest sense of the word and
emotion. Maslow’s hierarchy is as relevant today as it
was nearly a century ago when it was first propounded. People argue and debate the relevance, they speculate
on the pyramid being built in a different order – Maslow was quite insistent
about the order in which he built it – and interestingly, he has placed love
right in the centre of the grouping. But
absolutely no-one disputes the power and importance of love and its place on
the image.
Listing the number of reasons why love is so important and
powerful to human life, is probably just as challenging as trying to define
love in its entirety. Almost anyone you
ask will have a different opinion and create a unique list and yet everyone’s
list will be correct and valid because, in truth, the reasons why love is so
important and powerful to human life are almost too numerous to mention.
One thing that remains indisputable however and that is that
love is integral to human life, it is both powerful and important. List your reasons and then share this article
with your friends and see what they think.
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