Husband and wife relation occurs when there is a valid marriage, but then many still find it difficult that the so-called marriage is not a compulsory thing, but a thing of choice (however, this will be a discussion for another day).
For anyone who decides to go into it, don’t expect a smooth ride during its pendency. Understanding the fact that every marriage has its unique share of challenges earlier in life will go a long way to help in forestalling avoidable marital problems.
An individual who rushed into marriage with a set of wrong mentalities will not only subject his partner to undue hardship, but also himself, the children- if available, and the extended family at large.
However, a healthy husband and wife relation is the dream of every human being. It is the type that provides unconditionally, rest of mind, happiness, progress and just any other good thing related to those. But then, getting to create or establish this kind is usually not as easy as we imagine it. To get to establish a healthy husband and wife relation, both partners need to work consciously and be resilient in other to benefit from some of these rewards.
The two sides to a “husband and wife relation” have been briefed, but we will be taking a closer look at the main features or ingredients which the healthy type is consists of.
Here are the ingredients:
Truthfulness:
Contents
A normal individual would not find his experience with an infidel to be a thrill of the chase, and like anything in life, husband and wife relations might as well start taking a toll where the partners are insincere in their dealings with each other.
In the opinion of Rebecca Lammersen, “Honesty and trust breed respect. Respecting your partner is critical. Without respect, love can’t last. Be honest, no matter what.”
It should be noted that being honest does not mean you will earn yourself a healthy husband and wife relation. You can be honest, but your partner is not, and that is why at the second side of Rebecca’s quote above she said, “If you are honest and the relationship ends, it is meant to end. If a relationship is meant, nothing you say (if you are speaking truthfully) will cause it to cease. Have faith in the truth.” With all these in mind, the best is to be truthful to your partner and hope for things to work well to the growth of the relationship.
Matching intelligence:
Communication gets easier and interesting when those involved have matching intelligence. Part of the reasons some couples have a fall out over every little thing is because there is a marked disparity between the level of intelligence of both parties.
Communication:
Communication is beyond expressing the mind without inhibition; it requires the other party to completely understand the discourse and reacts accordingly. To establish a healthy husband and wife relationship, a great communication is needed.
Being reserved when there is a need to be outspoken and vis-à-vis is a wrong idea, and by so doing I can assure you that the relationship is sadly ebbing towards the dead-zone. Rebecca Lammersen, a writer, rightly suggested that:
“If a couple doesn’t argue, it is a sign of distrust. One or both members of the relationship are avoiding confrontation and dismissing their own thoughts and feelings to please their partner in order to escape the discomfort of discourse. These relationships will not last because there is an absence of trust and an overwhelming presence of fear.”1
A through communication in a relationship creates a platform for diplomacy in dealing with issues. An argument occurs in such an environment not for the sake of it, but for the purpose of correcting any misgivings, mistakes, and misbehaviors with the intention of consolidating not only the present peaceful co-existence but also to further create a proactive measure against such issues in the near future. Usually, a husband and wife relationship built on a great communication will produce partners who don’t allow their ego to override objectivity.
Being apologetic is like a second nature to partners with great communication, as their aim is far beyond apportioning blames, rather their aim is to grow together.
In the opinion of Rebecca, “When each person feels heard, there is peace. When there is peace, there is perspective. With perspective comes an apology. Giving an apology is important, but the acceptance of the apology is more important.”
Compromise:
At the early stage of a relationship is when you experience that unprecedented blissful throes of romance. It’s the period you continually bask in the euphoria of being treated like an angel. It is a feeling that unconsciously pushes you to make a resolution that you will give all that it’s going to take to sustain the relationship. In a husband and wife relationship, one of the partners will have to invest more than the other and hope the other party reciprocates this when it’s their turn. It is what gets the relationship going. Compromise to a little extent is required in a husband and wife relationship for it to stay healthy. And how your perspective of it is shaped determines whether it will work for the benefit of your relationship or otherwise. In the opinion of Rebecca, “When compromise is necessary to ask yourself, “What matters more to me, may want to get my way or my need for peace? What do I need to do to create harmony right now?”
You see? If your focus is to build your relationship as you leverage on the compromise, it will be a win-win situation for you. It doesn’t matter whether in the process you sacrifice more than your partner. However, if your aim is to satisfy your selfish interest, you might end up regretting doing this.
Understanding:
A great understanding can immensely enhance the support needed to grow a healthy husband and wife relationship. Hence, the growth of a romantic relationship translates to improved well-being, the physical and mental health of you and your partner. With great understanding in place, you and your partner can get to define your purposes as one, and plan on how to work them as quick as possible. Work, commitment and willingness are therefore essential to establish that true love through understanding. And where the work and commitment come in is at the angle of you paying attention to details about your partner. Understanding to come into existence when in the first place you lack basic and, even in some cases, advance knowledge about the certain subject matter. It is a fact that you and your “ball and chain” weren’t born in the same family. It means you are most likely not accustomed to the same principles. Even though sometimes, you feel you have so many things in common. The case is usually different when you begin to have some serious businesses together, and that is the main reason you need to take your time in getting to know the real person in your partner.
And how do you get at achieving this? It’s simple. Communicate! Communicate and communicate! He won’t tell it to your face what needs he has come with to the relationship. If you keep waiting for that to happen, you are merely wasting your time. When you ascertain his need in the marriage, getting to understand his style of communication is also important. Building efforts at these two things will save you and your partner a lot of headaches.
And as you continue to work yourself around these two factors, you will keep getting better and better by the day. Soon, you will realize they have become your second nature.
Patience:
Patience is a great virtue and it’s of the essence when it comes to building a healthy husband and wife relationship. Throughout your entire time in a relationship, you will need to continue learning about your partner, and the same applies to him. There will some instances that require your learning process to be quick, and in some situations, it doesn’t matter. While it might be difficult and frustrating to get through in learning about your partner, you need to double on your level of patience and understand that you are doing everything, not for the sake of anything other than growth and longevity of your relationship.
Sex:
You may be the type that doesn’t enjoy sex that much, in fact, you detest it. Let me tell you something. You need to start training your mind to work on ascertaining behaviors that could easily get you turned on for sex. The sex is one of the main motivating factors that spices relationship. If you fail to give it the needed attention, you are indirectly asking your partner to start looking at other beautiful ladies. However, sex is beyond giving it to your partner in any style he wants it and at any time and place; sex includes affection, touch, attention, warmth, kindness, equality of service to one another, and showing to your partner the true desire reflecting that your partner is special, says Rebecca
Going on the same project together:
Working together, sharing of ideas with each other, and together, volunteering for-a cause has a special and natural way of connecting two individuals. It is the law of nature. This fact is supported by the HelpGuide Organization Do things together that benefit others
And if We are to look into this from our Regular day-to day interactions, particularly with colleagues at our work place. You will notice, for the ones you have worked with for so long, they don’t feel anymore like a stranger to you. You are so Secured staying around them, and you sharing ideas, even private matters, with them don’t come across to you it’s something special. But was this the case when you were newly employed to that company? I guess your answer is as for good as mine- NO! This same logic is behind the reason you need-to start encouraging your partner to consider joining you in building something. The success of what you do together will go a long-way in building your relationship in return. You and your partner will start noticing how indispensable one is to-the other.
Keep every moment romantic:
Ironically, I will say that in a husband and wife relationship little details count. Most partners cherish that unexpected perk, that warm morning hug, and that sexy look you give to them. It drives them crazy, yet boost their morale. You won’t stop being in their head. This might be a bit difficult to those raised with a rigid and strict lifestyle; to those born in the world controlled by rules and regulations. To break this rigidity, there is a need for you to unlearn all that you feel you know, including those ideas you have ever thought to be right. Start thinking like a baby. Yes, a baby thinks innocently, plays Even when parents are not in the mood to play, a baby doesn’t read meanings to everything, a baby appreciates every little thing, and lastly, a baby stays happy no matter the condition. When you wear all these features of a baby like a garment, to get romantic with your partner and react accordingly to romantic tips from him will be effortless and natural. And of course, saying you need to start acting Like a baby doesn’t mean you have to act like someone Who wears a ten-dollar hat on a five-cent head; maturity and wisdom need to be applied. In the opinion of HelpGuide, “Be sensitive to what your partner likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.”
Reciprocity:
We feel special when a friend offers us a gift. It’s one of those things that helps in strengthening a relationship- learning to give back. Don’t act like a leech. Being a receiver doesn’t place you in an honorable position, except in some instances like a parent to child relationship. However, a husband and wife relationship, you need to have a true mind that wants to give at all time. When your partner offers to help with your office work at home or when he comes home from the office with hamburgers, cheese, and Champaign for you, start thinking on how you can reciprocate the benevolence, even with something higher. There is nothing as touching as when we feel we are too important to be ignored. Even the hardest of heart will feel happy and loved when shown love like this. You don’t have to keep complaining your partner is not romantic or that he’s stone-hearted. Try to never stop in giving your partner love and with time he will get initiated into the system, and you two can begin living the life you have always dreamt.
Don’t aim to dominate:
Husband and wife relationship is not an Olympic tournament or a boxing arena where you fight for a reward or for survival. You need to understand the fact that your primary objective is the growth of your relationship and the means of achieving that doesn’t count. You don’t need to be rigid. Even when things aren’t turning the way it ought to or in line with what occurs in other people’s relationship, don’t get panicky about that, start devising on a new way to get creative with things purposely to achieve that one goal, which is to sustain your relationship. HelpGuide supports this fact when it says, If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise.” You may ask how to get to achieve this? The answer is simple and straight-forward- respect your partner’s needs and constructively confront him when you can.
Prepare your mind for the raining and bright day:
No man has ever lived a charmed life all through their entire life before. Life is bound to be filled with checkered experiences. Hope for the best, but always prepare for the worst. In a husband and wife relationship, you won’t find anything less than this. There will be several occasions you will attempt, without success, to make your partner think in your direction, even when your suggestion or contribution is as clear as day. Not only that, sometimes your partner’s mood may be grossly affected by issues with his extended family. Your partner may experience a major setback in his business; he may lose his job. In any of this case, stay positive. Always remember that your existence in the life of your partner is not meant for decoration; you are established to stay by him through tick and thin, and to serve as a source of encouragement whenever he’s down. When you allow challenges your partner face to take the best of you, it will gravely tell on your relationship. Keep the hope alive in the face of challenges, and you will continue to live towards a healthy relationship with your partner.
Be ready to change:
People who are ready to adopt change at their appropriate time don’t fret, and to this people, finding solutions to threatening challenges and supporting others is never a stress. Growth itself majorly needs change to fully come into realization. In a husband and wife relationship, understanding, great communication, learning about our partners and other factors needed to enhance our relationship primarily require we possess the heart that is willing to adopt change. You need to be flexible in your thinking. Being flexible in one’s thinking necessitate one is patient and objective. Avoid applying a one fit all rule to every situation. And always know that you are the one to work with whatever circumstance you find yourself at first in a relationship; don’t give up until you have played all your cards and until it is logical for you do stop trying.
Know the type of friend you keep:
This factor has always been one of the biggest challenges that damage a healthy husband and wife relationship. Most times, our undoing emanates from advises our friends offers to us or through the ideas we copied from their relationship. Let’s start with the first. At this social media age, it has become so easy for anyone to live a double standard life. You are going want to be shown by some of these friends that they practice what they post to their Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram; meanwhile, the direct opposite of what they portray is what they practice at their closet. However, the ideas with copying behaviors from your friends and making them the core of your disposition in your relationship can be a dangerous adventure. You need to be realistic with everything around you, and your friend is one of those things. Do you need to start asking yourself the following questions: does your friend have a stable relationship? Have you ever validated tales about their partner they tell you to be sure what stories they have been feeding you with are true? How convenient are you with some of the suggestions they offer you with respect to your relationship?
If your answer is a NO to the first question, to the second question your answer is also a NO, and the for the last question your answer is “I don’t feel comfy with their suggestions or anything related to that,” then it means you need to sever your friendship with them, because your keeping them as friend alone will be causing a lot of damage to your relationship than any good.
Conclusion:
Husband and wife relationship could be the thrill of the chase, and at the same time it could be as complicated and difficult as hell, depending on how you handle it. By applying what you have learned in this article to your relationship, you need to be creative with things, but in all, stay positive regardless of whether the going is smooth or otherwise.
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